MY FAVORITE BOOKS ARE LOVE STORIES. “Pride and Prejudice” tops my list. The best line in all of literature is when Mr. Darcy tells Elizabeth, “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” Doesn’t that make your heart flutter?

I once asked Andy, “Why haven’t you ever said that to me? I’d allow it. Right now, even. Go on.”

He sidestepped the question and asked, “Did Elizabeth allow Mr. Darcy to tell her?”

She didn’t — because Mr. Darcy is sometimes an asocial jerk. But, later, Elizabeth visits Darcy’s estate and gains an appreciation for how wealthy he is, and then she allows him to tell her anything he wants. Does a more romantic story exist?

It’s not a classic (yet!), but I also think the “Twilight” series is romantic. Edward delivers a lot of suave lines, but I try not to think too hard about Edward’s character, because if I do, I realize he’s not romantic at all. He’s a vampire who’s over a hundred years old, yet he sometimes breaks into a high school girl’s bedroom so that he can watch her sleep. He also wants to suck her blood and kill her, but, you know, he loves her a lot, so he doesn’t do that. That’s sweet, isn’t it?

Honestly, if I think too deeply about any of the men in the love stories I read, I realize that none of them is a good catch. Mr. Darcy reforms, but he’s always a little snobby and socially awkward. Christian Gray is a sexual deviant (but he’s rich like Darcy, so it’s forgivable). Mr. Knightley watched Emma grow up, and he still disciplines her like she’s his daughter. That’s creepy, but he’s rich too, so it’s OK. Heathcliff is crazy (but not rich, so Catherine doesn’t marry him, naturally). Even Romeo, star of the most enduring love story of all time, is in love with someone else at the beginning of the play. After he switches his affections to Juliet, he loses his temper and kills her cousin. He feels badly about this, especially in light of the divisive feud, so he makes up for it by offering Juliet his body. She’s a virgin, so she tells him not to worry about the whole murdering her family member thing.

Literature’s real lesson is that the men can be subpar if sex and money are thrown into the mix.

Maybe these loves stories endure because they’re hitting on a universal truth. Andy and I have noticed that society has lower expectations of men.

For instance, when Andy takes our two children with him to the grocery store, people stop him and tell him he must be a wonderful father.

No one ever stops me when I’m walking the kids through the produce aisle.

I’ve often had people say to me, “Wow! Andy watches the kids while you’re teaching. Poor guy.”

I watch the kids while he’s teaching. No one feels any sympathy for me.

Sometimes people ask me if Andy babysits the children while I’m teaching.

No. He’s not babysitting. They’re his kids.

Nobody thinks it’s remarkable that I balance working with watching my children, but people think Andy is phenomenal for being able to do this. Don’t get me wrong. Andy’s an incredible father. I just don’t think walking his children through the bread aisle at Raley’s is evidence of this, and I’m not sure if the problem is that society’s expectations of fathers is too low or if our expectation of mothers is too high.

Perhaps the problem could be solved if we as a society expected more of fathers and men in literature. I will start by saying that it is not OK that, even at the end of the novel, Mr. Darcy remains a little snobby about Elizabeth’s family. But then later Elizabeth asks why Darcy did not talk to her sooner, if he was in love with her, and he says, “A man who felt less might.”

That’s a good line, isn’t it? Elizabeth thought so too.

And Mr. Darcy is the richest guy in the novel.

Never mind. I forgive him. I guess that means I don’t mind if society praises Andy for babysitting his children and bringing them home unharmed from the perils of Raley’s — as long as at the end of the trip he waxes on about how ardently he admires and loves me.

Kirstin Odegaard runs the Benicia Tutoring Center. Read and comment on her writings at www.kodegaard.com.