My song, “I’ve Been Better and I’ve Been Worse,” was literally written in the Raley’s Benicia parking lot, maybe 2005 or earlier. True story. At the end of a hard working day, a polite, energetic young male checkout clerk greeted me, the next in line with, “How are you?” as he buoyantly began to ring up my groceries. Nothing wrong with that except my energy level couldn’t rise to match his, so I responded, “I’ve been better…” then, “and I’ve been worse…” Then I realized my nearly catatonic state might be catching so I apologized, then realized that was a great song lyric. After an exchange of pleasantries I headed for my truck. Maybe my exhausting day really had some purpose, it was birthing a song! In the briefest 15 minutes ever, I thought of multiple changes, more than one opportunity to state my case in divorce court in Contra Costa County, multiple career changes, losing my Dad, Uncle Paul, and mother-in-law Bowie Hoffman in a very fast, earlier 14-month period, extracting sewer roots in three counties for three years and I just wrote my head off:

I’ve Been Better and I’ve Been Worse

I’ve been better and I’ve been worse.
I’ve seen the angels and the darkened hearse.
I’ve lost love and I’ve been found,
I’ve been so down, I’ve been Underground!
BUT, I’ve been better and I’ve been worse.
I’ve been last and I’ve been first.

I’ve seen Love take a hold of me,
treat me to both the Birds and the Bees,
BUT, I’ve been better and I’ve been worse.
I’ve been last and I’ve been first.

I used to think that Life should be so sweet,
a candy bar or a weekend treat.
Now I know it takes a lot of work,
you’re either an Angel or a Piece of Work!
And, I’ve been better and I’ve been worse.

I nearly drowned in a Sea of Love,
Thank God for Rocks and the Stars above!
AND I’ve been better and I’ve been worse!

©Peter Bray 2005
All rights reserved

The funny part is to sing the song nearly through in public and then forget the last verse. Or at least pause before remembering it. This I’ve done twice in Open Mic’s, once on University Avenue in Berkeley last year in June when our Poet Laureate Johanna Ely was Guest Poet there at Poetry Express, and last Sunday at Rosanna’s on First Street Benicia. I recovered, it was fun, end of story. The first event Benicia Artist-Poet-Pal-Video Wizard Tom Stanton recorded and uploaded to youtube.com: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WVxa3PBSEc

Notch Your Arrows

It’s a metaphor for showing up, and doing your thing, the end result may not be so important but at least show up and get started. The group’s serendipity may create a greater reward than expected. The Fall of 1960 I started community college at DVC in Contra Costa County. The first year or maybe the second I had an option for a PE class, probably to also acquire the AA Degree. So I signed up for an archery class. I’m sure we learned something about wind, lift, or aerodynamics of feather drag or stability, but most importantly, to show up and notch your arrows. Whether or not you hit the Bull’s Eye, the outer rings or only the nearby grass, show up, notch your arrows, and get started. With any luck, you’ll improve with time, or the group will nurture you to notoriety.

Peter Bray is a graduate of UC Berkeley and a Benicia resident since 1983. He’s written and published three chapbooks, a half-dozen websites, a DVD, and has 16 original songs on youtube.com. He’s written this column,“The A Cappella Handyman” since 2008 and won the Benicia Love Poetry Contest that same year. He’s a member of Benicia’s First Tuesday Poets, Benicia Literary Arts, the Ina Coolbrith Poetry Circle, and the Academy of American Poets. His creative newsletter, “Taproot & Aniseweed” has been in nearly continuous publication since 1987.

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