“Fan mail,” I thought, “Yippee!” There it was in my P.O. Box 234 down at the Benicia Post Office (Am I soliciting more?), tucked in a back corner behind two week’s worth of crumpled up Shopping Flyers – It was almost unseen, tucked in so close to the Box wall, like a narrow missive not wanting to cast much of a shadow if any. So I put it aside and closely turned each page of the Shoppers – Gawd only knows what great correspondence might get jammed into the internal pages of a shopper. Then I tossed them, weekday specials on mutton and prairie dog salads are not of interest to me. The letter was return addressed to a P.O. Box here in Benicia clearly marked on the outside and handwritten in black ballpoint, printed in italic, upper and lowercase letters, not all caps as we Engineering students in the early 60’s were so often taught.

Do I dare open it without the Bomb Squad? What was that white powder Wannabe Terrorists were mailing to their victims a few short years ago? No, go ahead, dare to think positive, this could be a pleasantry. Tucked in the personal stationery-sized sheet was a trimming in Newsprint of last week’s published poem, “5150 Holiday,” my first clue that I had maybe inspired or perturbed somebody. I looked for a sign-off signature on the letter, but only “Benicia Herald Subscriber” was carefully printed at the bottom, adjacent to the imprinted red Camellia it looked like with the pre-printed “Notes” at the top and illustration of two small birds and a birdhouse emblazoned with a small American flag. Very “homey” and I’m guessing female stationery, sender perhaps 50 to 70, someone who still believes in “writing letters,” not just banging out digital keystrokes.

The contents begins with praise for my storytelling, etc. and then erodes down the road to “flamethrower, left-wing kook” and “falling off the wagon” and “not revealing demons that you harbor.” Sorry, no demons here, I don’t believe in them (or clergy either who condone pedophilia.). The writer wishes me well: “keep up the good work” suggests I might “lose my security clearance” and closes on the backside with a quote from “American Sniper”:

“There are 3 kinds of people in this world; sheep, the wolves that prey on them and the sheep dogs that protect them.”

Well, here’s the deal of my response:

1.Thank you for writing and getting this mixed-message off your chest.  Please lock up any arsenal you or family members may have around the house.

2. Your anonymity is guaranteed, the P.O. staff will not disclose who owns your P.O. NUMBER, I asked, but they wouldn’t tell, that’s against their policy, but only you divulged it, so I’m sending along some of my “Taproot & Aniseweed” and “Naked Oyster” in hard copy. Check it out, especially the last pages with monthly editorial bits addressed to the current Occupant of the WH, certainly NOT My President. I believe Special Counsel, Robert Mueller will adequately show in months or weeks or hours to come, that indeed Donald J. fully solicited Mr. Putin and his Russian hacking staff to help him whip Hillary (though Not in the Popular vote) and won over sufficient electoral college members in several swing states to become our illegitimate 45th Occupant of the WH. President is a title and quality Donald will never possess, not even with remedial science classes and human rights awareness training.

3. I value your writing, may you do more of it. Your insight, wit, and penmanship or -womanship are admirable, but notice, I sign my columns. Anonymity says miles about a writer’s courage to stand beside their work. In time, yours may come. Claim it when it does.

4. Even Astrology attempted to categorize all the world into 12 groups so I find your referenced three– sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs– far too few, but given a choice I’m partial to Border Collies. In the end they don’t yet have the vote, but I suspect their choices might be far better than those of recent humans.

Peter Bray lives, writes, and works in Benicia and has written this column since 2008.

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