RECURRING DREAMS CAN BE UPSETTING AND FRUSTRATING until you make sense of the pattern of their recurrence. Once the connection to recurring events in waking life is made, the dream’s message is easier to see. From there, the dream will usually disappear.

Dear SMYD,

My family is wonderful and has always been very supportive of everything I want to do. My mom and dad are there for me no matter what. And my three older brothers are so helpful and protective. I hate to complain, but it kind of gets to me sometimes. They are all so eager to give me advice and tell “the best” thing to do, even if I don’t ask! Family dinners and special events almost always turn into guidance sessions for me whether I asked for help or not.

I followed your suggestion and began making notes about a recurring dream. I’ve noticed that I have the same dream after these intense family get-togethers. It’s a little different each time, but usually goes like this:

I drop my contact lens. No big deal. I lean down to look and there it is on the ground at my feet. But when I reach down to pick it up, I see another lens close by. Is that my lens, or is the first one the right one? Then, when I look a little farther, I see five or ten lenses, and then hundreds and thousands of lenses scattered out around me. I don’t know what to do. How can I be sure which lens is the right one?

I always wake up feeling confused and upset. I know the dream is related to the family meetings, but what does it mean?

Signed, Dreading Thanksgiving

Dear Dreading,

Good work! By connecting the recurrence of this dream to your family’s “support” sessions, you have made great strides in understanding its metaphor.

You mentioned that each of your family members is bent on being helpful to you by offering advice even when you don’t ask for it. Your dream uses your contact lens as a symbol for how you see things. In the barrage of help from your family, you lose your own point of view — you drop your lens. And when you go to retrieve it, there are so many alternate points of view — lenses — that you come away confused and unsure which way to look! No wonder you’re upset.

It’s time to assert yourself with those who love you a little too much, Dear Dreamer. Consider establishing some ground rules for discussion of your life before you go home for the holidays. Let each person know how much you appreciate their input, but stand your ground. You are not their project and no longer need the kind of hovering intervention they insist upon. You will need to be skillful in changing the subject and maintaining a happy attitude while sidestepping their well-intentioned but overbearing advice.

Sweet Dreams to you!

Carolyn Plath, M.Ed., is a Benicia resident and member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams. Reach her at sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com.

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