DREAMS OF DEATH CAN BE UNSETTLING. The good news is that in the language of dreams, death represents letting go of the old self to make way for the new self — a necessary step in personal growth. Today’s dreamer offers an example.

Dear SMYD,

I am worried about a strange dream I had a few weeks ago. It is on my mind all the time and I would like to know what it means.

In my dream there was my daughter, myself and another person. I could only see the back of the other person’s head and she had a long scarf draped around, obscuring her identity. Her back was to me and she was standing just off to the side of us.

I asked this person what my daughter’s birthday was and I expected to hear May 2nd, 1990, which is her birthday. But instead of that date, this person said, “March 9th — death.”

I was shocked and asked again. Again, this person said in a loud voice, “March 9th — death.”

I woke then very shaken up and had to walk around the house a while to calm down, but the dream stays on my mind all the time. My daughter and I are extremely close, more like friends than mother and daughter. She says she’s ready to move out on her own, but since March 9th is getting closer, I am afraid to let her go. I’m scared the dream means that she will die on that date.

Signed, Afraid for My Daughter

Dear Afraid,

Dreams of death can be frightening, especially when they seem to refer to our loved ones. Keep in mind the language of dreams is metaphor. In your dream, one word — death — is used to convey a complex idea or scenario.

You mention that you and your daughter are very close. This suggests that your daughter most likely represents a part of yourself that is ready to change or needs to change. That deeper part of you delivering the message is obscured, but persistent. Perhaps you prevent yourself from hearing the message straight on. So it comes from behind the veil, off to the side, but is louder and more insistent than you can admit.

Your daughter’s desire to move indicates that she’s ready to make the break — the normal separation of parent and child. In that sense, your dream speaks to the change in her, the death of her child-like self making way for the young adult she has become. It also speaks to your fear of letting her grow up and leave you behind — a death of your “friendship.”

Your dream signals the transformation you must make. By repeating, your dream insists that phase of your life is coming to an end. You must give up the girlish view of yourself, Dear Dreamer. It’s time for both of you to grow up and move on to the next chapters of your lives. Look forward to a fresh, reborn relationship with your adult child.

Sweet Dreams to you!

Carolyn Plath, M.Ed., is a Benicia resident and member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams. Reach her at sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com.

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