This column was published in the Wednesday, Jan. 23 edition of the Benicia Herald

Touchmark in the West Hills of Portland, Oregon is one of several residential (levels of care}facilities that I have visited over the years.  With my son, Eric, moving to Washougal, Washington, I began to think of new opportunities that arise if I were to need more care than living independently allows.  

Thanks to Lois Requist and Judi Donaldson’s efforts with the Carquinez Village staying at home longer with assistance is a possibility for those wanting to age in place.  

However, if you are one who likes to explore options, residential facilities are a possible choice for those of us that find our world shrinking because – well—we aren’t what we once were. 

After visiting the Touchmark facility, I did my usual fantasy of moving in—planning what furniture to take and imagining my life in the confines of this beautiful home.  Looking like a Ritz Carlton, offering every activity one would like to have available, with assisted living environs and hotel like services; this facility is at the top of the feeding chain.  Fabulous!

Since my visit, I have shared my finding with several couple friends.  I was surprised to learn that they have not even thought of what they would do should they need more assistance. One couple is living so remotely that they need a helicopter to deliver them to the nearest hospital in an emergency.  The other couple lives independently and the gentleman in the couple hopes he never has to think about it.  His mother died at an advanced age and after not feeling quite right she was gone in an hour. He is hoping that the same ending is waiting for him.  I guess we truly just don’t want to think about our decline.  It isn’t pretty!

As I am of a mind to experience what residential  living can be like, Bob and I stayed in the guest quarters at Touchmark for three days.  What I learned is that the people there came to live because they were from Portland ( actually some moved just across the street into this home that opened In June 2018) ; because their children insisted they live nearby, and/or because they were widowed and lonely.  

Being there and using the facilities confirmed my suspicions that this almost hotel was extraordinary, fabulous in every way.  What I also experienced was that the people were more than friendly, fun too.  I imagined that they all knew they were going to spend the rest of their lives together and that it was important to be open to one another and personable to all they met.  What a lovely feeling to be around these people of a  certain age who had some measure of wisdom in relationships.

The next question was to decide when it is time for you to make this choice-if ever.  The people at Touchmark were generally sorry they did not make the move sooner.  For me, my world would have to shrink much further.  Essentially when you move into a residential care facility, your range of operation is the buildings, and activities within the facility with the occasional  field trip.  That has to be okay with you.  Time makes that decision more and more clear.  

Fortunately, we live in a town where we have access to everything we need, especially, with what Carquinez Village offers.  But for me, I have found one more option for a comfortable, pleasant community if that next step becomes needed.

Ellen Blaufarb is a Marriage Family Therapist.

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