It has been six years since my son and daughter-in-law divorced.  They spent 20 years together and had two sons.  They went through their 30s and 40s together. As Eric, my son, approaches a second commitment, it looks like he learned a thing or two.  I have gotten his permission to post a letter he sent to our East Coast family announcing his engagement.

**********************

Hi Family,

Deborah said “yes”!
I proposed in Vienna in the Schonbrunn Palace gardens. The palace gardens are beautiful and seemed a fitting place for my proposal.  Maria Theresa lived in the palace enjoying these gardens.  She was the only female ruler of the Austrian empire that included Hungary and Croatia in the 1740s. To say Maria Theresa was a powerful, intelligent, ground breaking leader of the mid 18th century would be understating her contribution to history at a tumultuous time.
When I think of the women in the Blaufarb family, the first feeling I have is “fear.”  All the men in the family know what I am talking about.  We are all good, strong, strapping men, no slouches here, but the women we have chosen are forces of nature and have broken a lot of glass during their lifetimes.  We men are mere mortals.
Whether it is: Eileen who was one of the only women to finish at the top of her class in law school and became a partner at the biggest law firm in New York, or Debi who became an orthodontist at a time when women were just breaking into advanced dentistry, or Helen who humbly and with love has affected many people with special needs as an administrator in the New York City schools or my own mother whose life work was impacting the children and community of Benicia- spending a lifetime learning. They were and are all a absolute force of nature.
I like to think that while the men in our family play checkers, the Blaufarb women tend to play
chess. We, men, try our best to keep up and support these strong accomplished women.  It takes a group of strong men with resilient egos to survive in these waters.
In this email, I honor Deborah in joining the ranks of the Blaufarb women.  Deborah has been  an executive in the automotive industry for 25 years. She has an MBA with honors from Pitt. Deb has the strength to do the heavy lifting on her own and rise. I’d say she has broken a bit of glass along the way in a male dominated industry.  She fits quite nicely with our group of accomplished women.
It is my job to try to keep up with Deborah and support her. I’ll keep playing checkers and spend my days making her life a bit easier.   I love her with all my heart!
Please join me in celebrating Deborah’s addition to our family. She is the warmest, kindest, most thoughtful woman I have ever know.  I am absolutely blessed to have her in my life.
We will be celebrating with everyone next Spring/Summer with a commitment ceremony with family and close friends.

***********************
Love can be better the second time around if you, like Eric, have come to appreciate the power of the female so fully, as you enter into a committed relationship.  Why fight it?

Ellen Blaufarb is a marriage family therapist.

Sharing is caring!