“Bush Derangement Syndrome: The acute onset of paranoia in otherwise normal people in reaction to the policies, the presidency — nay — the very existence of George W. Bush.” — Charles Krauthammer, 2005

FROM THE URBAN DICTIONARY, the symptoms of Bush Derangement Syndrome (BDS) include:

1. Believing that Bush caused Hurricane Katrina.

2. Believing that Bush was behind 9/11.

3. Calling Bush stupid despite the fact that he has degrees from Harvard and Yale and is a trained fighter pilot.

In today’s world, BDS has been supplanted by the Palin Derangement Syndrome and the Obama Derangement Syndrome, which can be lumped under the term: Political Derangement Syndrome, or PDS.

Those who suffer from this malady manifest various behaviors in response to the policies or the person who may be the trigger for this Pavlovian response.

Behavior associated with PDS may include yelling at the television, bursts of profanity when reading the newspaper, cyberbullying on message boards or other odd, socially unacceptable behavior.

You may know someone who displays these traits, or you may be a candidate yourself. The test below is designed to measure your potential for development of PDS, not whether you already are afflicted with this malady.

The test is simple: Fifteen multiple-choice questions assess your position on various issues, subjects or people. Simply select the response that best agrees with your position and recognize that you need not fully agree with any of the choices. It may be helpful to remember that if two of the three choices are unacceptable, the remaining choice is likely your best selection.

After scoring your responses, an assessment of your potential for PDS is provided, along with a description of some typical traits associated with several score ranges.

1. The best U.S. presidents have been:

• Republicans.

• Lincoln, Reagan and FDR.

• Democrats.

2. President Obama’s greatest accomplishment has been:

• To make Jimmy Carter look good by comparison.

• I’m sure there have been some, but none pop to mind.

• Way too many to pick only one.

3. Given the opportunity of a complimentary dinner with Sarah and Bristol Palin, you would:

• Look forward to a wonderful evening.

• Attend — hey, it’s free, what have I got to lose?

• Rather put needles in your eyes.

4. Voter photo ID is something that:

• Should be mandatory in every state.

• Be decided by each state.

• Exposed for its racist purposes — to deny the vote to millions.

5. Which of the three men would you choose to have an evening with:

• Rush Limbaugh.

• Jimmy Fallon.

• Rachel Maddow.

6. Global warming is:

• A hoax perpetrated by agenda-driven radicals intent on destroying America.

• A natural cycle of change, one the planet has gone through for eons.

• The greatest threat facing the world today — and its mostly the Koch brothers’ fault.

7. The Second Amendment, the right to keep and bear arms, is:

• Fine just the way it is.

• In need of fine-tuning. We are not living in the 1700s. We need reasonable controls.

• In need of repeal. Gun nuts do not need an AK-47 or know what “militia” means. It needs to go.

8. The destruction of the Twin Towers on 9/11:

• Was the turning point proving the Muzzies need to be destroyed. It’s us or them.

• Was a tragic attack against an innocent nation by a small faction of crazies.

• Was an inside job to start a war, possibly for the benefit of the military-industrial complex.

9. Eric Holder:

• Should be behind bars.

• Seemed OK to me.

• Should be nominated to the Supreme Court.

10. Richard Nixon:

• Was a much better president than he is given credit for.

• Was flawed, but he did end the war.

• Was lucky he did not end up in jail as he should have.

11. Fox News is:

• The only news I watch and trust.

• One of several sources of information that I use.

• You mean Faux News, don’t you?

12. Hillary Clinton:

• Is nothing without Bill and someone never to be trusted: BENGHAZI!!!1!

• Has been given a hard time that she does not deserve.

• Is so yesterday. I support Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts.

13. The border with Mexico needs to be:

• Sealed now! We also need an investigation into how we let 50,000 illegal children walk in!

• Amnesty for those brought in as children seems fair.

• Borders? We don’t need no stinking borders! Open borders for all!

14. Nelson Mandela:

• Was a communist.

• Should not have been kept in prison so long.

• Defines heroism. There should be a world holiday in his honor.

15. The ‘War on Women’ is:

• Total B.S. perpetrated by the Democrats to pander to the feminazis.

• What? I have not noticed any such “war on women.”

• Real and proves how misogynistic the old, white GOP is.

Point system: A = 1, B = 2, C = 3

Typical Profiles and PDS Potential

Score: 15-20: PDS Potential: High

You admire: Attila the Hun, George Patton and General Sherman (even if he was on the wrong side).

Favorite women: Ann Coulter, Ayn Rand, Sarah and the Fox News Babes.

Favorite president: Nixon.

Favorite authors: Hemingway and Tom Clancy.

Websites: Heritage Foundation, Cato Institute, Atlas Shrugs.

News source: Fox.

You listen to: Michael Savage, Mark Levin and El Rushbo.

Your car: An American truck or SUV. If you own a foreign car it is a Mercedes.

Memberships may include: Golf, yacht or gun club.

You like your self-dressed venison rare, your beer cold and domestic, and you occasionally drink Johnny Walker Red. You like sailing, golf and real football, not that pansy game played with a round ball.

Obama take: He should have been impeached and not allowed to steal the second election.

Score: 21- 29: PDS Potential: Moderate

You admire: Churchill, Teddy Roosevelt, Robert E. Lee and George Washington.

Favorite president: Reagan.

Favorite women (after your wife): Margaret Thatcher, Megan Kelly, Phyllis Schlafly.

Favorite news source: WSJ.

Websites: Drudge, Townhall.com. Free Republic, Ludwig Von Mises.

News source: Fox, on occasion CNN.

You listen to: Rush.

You like your meat smoked and fresh-caught salmon charcoal-grilled. Drinks: Belgian beer or Guinness. Your wines are strong and red: Syrahs, Zins or a solid Cab. Your scotch is single malt.

Obama take: You can’t believe we elected that fool once, let alone twice!

Score: 30- 39: PDS Potential: Very Low

You admire: Joe Lieberman, John Kerry and Al Gore.

Favorite President: JFK.

Favorite women: Michelle Obama, Barbara Walters, Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O’Donnell.

Favorite News Source: ABC, “The View” and “The Daily Show.”

Web: Facebook, Food Network.

Favorite wine and drink: Chardonnay in a box, a martini.

Last Book: “50 Shades of Grey.”

Car of choice: Volvo.

You eat gluten free, and avoid too much red meat. You enjoy hot yoga and Pilates. You volunteer at the food bank or church. You have a “Coexist” bumper sticker on your car.

Obama take: You voted for him once; that was enough.

Score: 40-45: PDS: Extreme

You admire: Fidel Castro, Jimmy Carter, and President Obama.

Politicians you trust: None.

Favorite president: FDR, of course.

Womyn you admire: Margaret Sanger, Nancy Pelosi and Cindy Sheehan.

News source: MSNBC.

Favorites: Rachel Maddow and Ed Schultz. You miss Olbermann and Piers Morgan.

Websites: Media Matters, HuffPo, Democratic Underground.

You listen to: Pacifica.

Favorite meat: None. You don’t eat anything with a face.

Favorite drink: Green tea, iced mocha (but never from Starbucks).

Your car: Hybrids: Prius or Tesla. (Subarus are a close contender.)

You enjoy cycling and long hikes, you support the Sierra Club, Greenpeace and the ACLU. You believe that God has no place in schools or any public building and that partial-birth abortion is womyn’s absolute right. You recorded the World Cup games. You enjoy listening to poetry readings.

Obama take: Damned Republicans blocked everything he tried to do to clean up after Cheney’s puppet George Shrub. Obama had his work cut out for him and has done great!

Dennis Lund is a mechanical engineer who lived in Benicia for more than 20 years.