The following “letter” is part of the continuing series from the unpublished novel by James Garrett, “Benicia Letters Once More”. He does not plan to publish the book but instead is choosing to share the letters with the readers of the Benicia Herald. The letters continue the storyline of Garrett’s first novel “Benicia and Letters of Love”. Each “letter” tells of love in one of its many forms from a separate point of view. Benicia is represented prominently in the letters because of Garrett’s deep fondness for the city of Benicia. He hopes readers see themselves or others they know in the letters because the concept of “Love” is universal.
Letter 2
Lasting Connections

Hello Mr. Garrett,
It is nice to see you asked for letters again. I wanted to send a letter to be included in “Benicia and Letters of Love” but just didn’t have the courage to do it. Then I read the book and wished I had submitted a letter. Life sometimes gives all of us a second chance. When I saw your current advertisement requesting letters for a “return”, it was as if I had been given a second chance at life and love, so I am taking it.
My first marriage couldn’t be consummated and it ended in divorce because of that. I could live with the frustration, and told him when the time came everything would work out. He either didn’t believe me, or was frustrated or embarrassed, or thought he wasn’t enough of a man. He should have believed me. I meant what I said. He now has children and I have children, but they aren’t our children.
We got married decades ago. He was simply a good looking and athletic guy. Something connected between us and we wound up being together. The togetherness led to the marriage.
We talked with our priest, went to counseling, and I cried with his head in my arms for what seemed like hours at times. Those times were merely minutes and then he went to the living room to watch television and I lay in bed waiting for him. When he came back, he always said he was sorry and I said everything was fine and that things would work out. He would answer that he had things bouncing around in his head and then turn from me and go to sleep. Anyway, after awhile he went to sleep. He often lay there for hours either still as a corpse, or tossing and turning.
One day he said he wanted a divorce, but that he loved me. I told him I didn’t want a divorce, and would always love him.
To make him happy I agreed to the divorce. At first I thought he wouldn’t go through with it. Then I thought after we had been apart for awhile he would come back to me. He did go through with it, and he never came back to me, but I still love him.
He dated and I dated and we saw each other at a funeral and at a reunion of classes of Benicia High School. At the reunion we were each with someone new in our closeness, but attached to our years at the high school. I guess that was the hang-up all the time.
We each married again and, as I wrote above, have children. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be between him and me.
I don’t know what either of us did wrong, if doing wrong we did. I think we were looked on as the happy young couple starting our lives together. For a time we were just that. We had done nothing more than kiss before our wedding night. That night, and the months of nights which followed, changed each of us in some manner. I’m proud of how things turned out for him and I think he feels the same towards me. I believe I will always wonder how things work out in life and why they work out as they do. I’ll always love him, but not with the love I hold for my husband. The strange thing is they were teammates on so many teams while we all grew in Benicia and his wife has always been a friend of mine. Each of the men has always been friends to each other. The only difference in my connection with them is I’m married to one friend, and was once married to the other.

(unsigned)

James Garrett is a lifelong resident of Benicia and a former teacher at Benicia High School. He is the author of the following novels: “Benicia and Letters of Love,” “The Mansion Stories,” “Chief Salt,” and “One Great Season, 9-0!” He also compiled a three-volume work entitled “The Golden Era: Benicia High School Football, The 1948 through 1960 Seasons, “A” History with Comments”. He can be contacted at jgstoriesnpoetry@aol.com.

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