WHEN I FANTASIZE ABOUT DIFFERENT JOBS I COULD WORK, I always come back to the same idea — opening a tea shop that offers tutoring. It’s perfect. I love tea. I love tutoring. I’d call it Tea ‘n’ Tutoring.

The Camellia Tea Room is terrified of me, obviously. If I ever got the capital together to do it, I’d run them out of business in less time than it takes a cup of tea to cool. I can’t tell you how often I’ve been dining in the Camellia Tea Room and overheard someone remark, “This is great, but what this place really needs is some linear algebra.”

There’s one obvious problem with my idea. What to do if someone spills their tea on their textbook or iPad?

Not to worry. I’ve already come up with a solution: I’ll refill their spilled tea for free.

Just the hot water, obviously. Tea leaves don’t grow on trees, you know.

There is one more small problem. It’s that I’ve never actually heard anyone say that thing about linear algebra in the tea room.

Plus, while I always have a cup of tea on my desk while I’m tutoring, I’ve never had a tutoring student join me for a spot of tea. Students sometimes ask for snacks or drinks, but never tea.

But here’s a free economics lesson for you — never let a little thing like lack of demand defer a dream. If the makers of laserdiscs had done that, what would people sell at garage sales today?

I’ve been to a lot of tea shops, possibly every one in the Greater Bay Area. They’re a little pricey, but it’s a tax writeoff, since I’m researching my future business. The thing about tea shops is that the servings are always so dainty. A bit of lettuce, a small slice of quiche, some finger sandwiches, maybe a scone with a dollop of jam. It’s tasty, but not hearty. What’s missing on the menu is a good burger. I’d pair the burgers with red tea, since I’m a gourmet. I hate advocating for burgers because I was a vegetarian for many years, and I hope I go back to it someday. When they invent the soy cows, I’ll be all over that.

Another difficulty I have with tea shops is that my son can never eat anything they serve. He has a dairy and egg allergy, and there’s generally dairy and egg in every item on the menu. He doesn’t like burgers much, either. I’d have to serve some vegan goodies and entrees for him.

I’m also sad that my dog can never come with us to the tea shops. It seems species-ist. How can students enjoy a good cup of tea while learning to avoid dangling prepositions without a dog cuddling at their feet? My store would allow dogs. Unless they’re those scary, volatile dogs that bite people. That might be bad for business. Then again, I could just serve those dogs chamomile, and they’d calm right down. Look at that major world problem that I just solved without trying.

Clearly what this town needs, then, is a Tea ‘n’ Tutoring ‘n’ Vegan ‘n’ Burgers ‘n’ Dogs Shop. (Possibly the name needs work.) How has this hole in the market existed for so long?

Now that I’ve written this article, probably five of them will pop up around town. It’ll be like that time when all the Starbucks opened, and everyone wondered which locations would make it and which would fold.

Why am I giving this million dollar idea away? I truly am that altruistic. Also, I’ve noticed that running a restaurant is a lot of work. That’s not really how I roll. So I’m putting this idea out in the world so that somebody will grab it and make it a reality. I’ll take a cut, obviously.

Imagine a future in which there are five to 10 Tea ‘n’ Tutoring ‘n’ Vegan ‘n’ Burgers ‘n’ Dogs shops scattered throughout our city. Doesn’t the vision leave you speechless?

When that day comes, we’ll all be able to say with confidence that it really is better in Benicia.

Kirstin Odegaard runs the Benicia Tutoring Center. Read and comment on her writings at www.kodegaard.com.

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