The Benicia Fullosopher

Many people have asked which cruise line has the best food. I’ve tasted the whole gamut from “school cafeteria” fare to exquisitely presented, delicious cuisine. Once I worked on two 10-day cruises on the same premium-class cruise line. The daily menus were identical. On the first ship, the food and presentation were superb. On the second ship, the food was bland and uninspired. Once, on a mainstream cruise line I was surprised to have some of the best food ever. A year later on the same ship, it was back to “school cafeteria.”    So, rather than the cruise line, it is the executive chef, who determines the quality of the food. You will definitely find the best quality food on the luxury ships—menus created by famous chefs, freshest ingredients, more variety, imaginative combinations, and artistic presentation that inspire photographing before tasting. The dining staff often provides outstanding service for salt, sugar, dairy, gluten and fat-free diets. Also for Kosher and Halal. Some ships have separate menus for the different dietary requirements.

Dining Options

The bigger the ship, the more the choices. Most ships have a buffet, on a deck near the top of the ship. The best buffets have separate “stations” for each category of food instead of one long line while you wait forever for the people ahead to load up their plates when you only want a bowl of oatmeal. For breakfast there’s the usual eggs/bacon/potato, an assortment of pastries, made-to-order omelettes, sometimes Asian fare. Then there’s that mysterious brown liquid they call coffee. On one ship I saw the staff pour liquid coffee concentrate from a gallon can into the serving machines. I suspect this is done frequently on other ships. Better quality, brewed coffee must be purchased except on luxury ships where it is free. Some guests bring their own press-pot and coffee grounds. At lunch or dinner the buffets have appetizer, salad, bread, and dessert areas plus large hot-trays of tired-looking food that I suspect was often created from yesterday’s leftovers. My favorite buffets will have fresh stir-fry, a baked potato bar, fresh sandwich bar, Mediterranean, Indian, Asian and Mexican food areas.  Buffet dinners are similar, sometimes including a few of the same menu items that are being served in the main dining room. In general, I’ve found buffet food inferior to the large, sit-down-with-tablecloth dining room. Many guests prefer the faster service in the buffet.  In the dining room, you can choose to eat with the same people at dinner every night, or there’s “anytime dining” where you pick the people, the time to be seated, and size of table you prefer. Advice for anytime dining: make reservations early each day. You may find a variety of fast food service areas offering pizza, hamburgers, Mexican food, healthy choice food, kid’s special, ice cream, and many others for no extra charge. In addition to the free dining areas, most ships have small restaurants with charges between $5 and $75 for specialty cuisines. You may find Italian, Asian, Mexican, Brazilian, Mediterranean, French, seafood, steak houses, and more with an extra charge. Most guests report that both the food and service are excellent in these specialty restaurants.

Food Showmanship

For many years some ships presented a truly dazzling midnight buffet where food was displayed as fine art. Upon entering, you would be greeted by a harp or string quartet helping to set the elegant scene. A staff member would announce how many extra hours of work the crew had to do in order to create the spectacle. Imagine several tables with soaring ice sculptures, lit from below, displaying rows and rows of mirrored trays covered with perfectly sculpted hors d’oeuvres, two-foot diameter bowls filled with giant prawns, bouquets of vegetables carved so beautifully you had to stand close to realize they were not flowers, breads baked into whimsical shapes—once I saw a five-foot long train with the foot-high engine, cars, and caboose clearly depicted. Sliced meats, cheeses, smoked fish, salads, escargot and so much more and then….and then….the blow-your-mind dessert table with twenty or more lavishly decorated, luscious looking cakes, additional plates of cookies, and candies. All this served on formal night which always featured an extra-special dinner meal. So, guess what? Guests were not hungry. I and many others just walked around taking pictures and a few small bites of something. We then found out that the majority of the food left over was thrown away! Even entire cakes that had not been cut! As much as I enjoyed the visual spectacle, I am glad these buffets have morphed into smaller edible displays, sometimes during the day, sometimes with an all chocolate theme or a special brunch. It is a sad fact that, every day, huge quantities of ships’ food are thrown away.

Incredible Service

I’ve been on ships that serve thousands of meals a day and I have always experienced excellent service no matter what class or size of ship. I have great respect and admiration for the crew, extremely hard-working, missing their families, tired from working long hours with no days off for months, yet they manage to serve the guests efficiently and usually with a smile.

Beware the Norovirus

Here’s how you know this gastrointestinal, very contagious disease is currently a problem onboard. You go to the buffet and are not allowed to serve yourself anything. A crewmember will put the food on your plate. In the dining rooms, there is no salt and pepper, no bread and butter on the tables. You must ask the waiter to serve these. Sometimes the menu is printed on a piece of paper instead of inside a hardcover folder. You are not allowed to enter a dining area without using sanitizer. Later there will be numerous announcements and notices in your cabin about the Noro and how to keep it from spreading. Guests are advised to go to the ship doctor who will treat them for free. You are not told in advance that, if you see the doctor and you have the virus, you will be confined to your cabin for two days. Some guests know this and don’t want to be quarantined so they will walk around the ship with symptoms infecting other guests. Here’s what I do even if there is no Noro virus: I wash my hands constantly after touching anything in the public areas. I avoid touching elevator buttons, stairway banisters, door knobs, and buffet utensils unless I first wrap a napkin around the serving spoon. After reading a menu, I either get up and wash my hands or put on sanitizer. I use a knife and fork to eat foods that normally would be eaten by hand such as breads. I try to avoid the public rest rooms where I have often seen guests immediately leave the room without washing their hands. If using the public restroom, I open the door with a paper towel. I was on one ship where a security officer told me that four hundred guests on board got the virus. I did not.

Coming Next: THE BIG SELL continues: Art Auctions, Diamonds & More.

The Benicia Fullosopher is retired as a guest speaker and dance teacher on cruise ships

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