By Richard Lubin

I OFFER THE FOLLOWING which try to be sly, tongue-in-cheek definitions and invite you, the reader, who might be interested to propose others. No definition has to be unique as words, not too surprisingly, have many meanings.

Definition, n. A comment which is short, sharply biting and almost borders on the truth. (If it does not offend someone, it is probably not sharp enough.)

Big gun, n. Frequently an individual of small caliber and immense bore.

Fox News, n. Faux news. Justin Rezzonico

Exclamation point, n. A period that has blown its top.

Eulogy, n. Praise that is too much and too late.

Janitor, n. Floor flusher.

Maturity, n. The day you have your first real laugh at yourself. Ethel Barrymore

Maturity, n. When keeping a secret gives you more satisfaction than passing it along. John Henry

Faith-based initiatives, n. Trust us, have faith.

Leisure time, n. When the wealthy are not working. Justin Rezzonico

Laziness, n. When the poor are not working. Justin Rezzonico

Snuff maker, n. A man who puts his business in someone else’s nose.

Pawnbroker, n. A man who takes an interest in things. Fred Allen

Pawnbroker, n. One who lives off the flat of the land. Lionel Shelly

Pawnbroker, n. One who asks that you see him at your earliest inconvenience.

Imperialism, n. The fashion of shooting everybody who doesn’t speak English.

Damsel, n. Those who want nothing but husbands, and when they have them, they want everything. William Shakespeare

Damsel, n. One who exists for two major blisses: being missed and being Mrs.

Coed, n. A girl who didn’t get her man in high school.

French, n. Italians with bad tempers. Dennis McEvoy

Grave, n. A covered bridge leading from light to light through a brief darkness. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Grave, n. Where human folly sleeps. John Dyer

Hospital, n. A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient. Francis O. Walsh

Sinner, n. A man who makes no pretensions to being good on one day out of seven. Mary W. Little

Slander, n. To cut men’s throats with whisperings. Ben Jonson

Grass, n. The beautiful uncut hair of graves. Walt Whitman

Grass, n. The green stuff that wilts on the lawn and thrives in the garden.

Manners, n. Concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. Mark Twain

Child, n. One who stands halfway between an adult and a TV set.

Use Devilsdefinitions@gmail.com to submit definitions to be included in future columns. Identify yourself, name and phone number, and indicate if you want your name printed with your definition. Thank you and enjoy.

Richard Lubin is a Benicia resident.