By Richard Lubin

WE WANT YOUR DEVILISH, TRICKY, SLY, tongue-in-cheek, funny, clever, inane, outlandish, thought-provoking definitions.

Actor, n. A person who makes $50,000 a year some weeks.

Bigotry, n. This year, for Christmas, we’re going to get a “bigger tree.”

Camp, n. A place where parents spend $1,000 for eight weeks so their son can learn to make a 25-cent ashtray.

Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic.

Executive ability, n. The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Falsies, n. A sort of hope chest.

Gum chewer’s mouth, n. That which goes without saying.

Happiest wife, n. Not the one who married the best man, but the one who makes the best of the man she married.

Ignoramus, n. A guy who doesn’t know the meaning of a word you first learned yesterday.

Jewelers, n. People who ought to keep abreast of the times and rent wedding rings.

Kleptomaniac, n. One who helps himself because he can’t help himself.

Lame duck, n. A politician who is in the process of becoming a cooked goose.

Mason-Dixon Line, n. A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Nightgown, n. A nap sack.

Off-day, n. The day after a day off.

Peroxide blonde, n. Convertible top.

Quiet, adj. What home would be without children.

Rabbit, n. A small animal which is hare today and mink tomorrow.

Small town, n. A place where everybody knows what everyone else is doing but still reads the local paper to see if they got caught at it.

Tact, n. The ability to make your guests feel at home where you wish they were.

Ulcer, n. A stomach disorder you get not from what you eat but from what you have to swallow.

Vacation, n. A trip to put you in the pink — and leave you in the red!

Wife, n. The one person in the car who saw a parking space 50 yards back on a one-way street.

X-ray, v. Looking into the heart of the matter.

Young man, n. One whose hardest problem is to find a girl attractive enough to like, but dumb enough to like him.

Zombie, n. Something some men drink to be merry and other men marry.

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MOST OF THIS COLUMN WAS PROVIDED thanks to the efforts of Jacob M. Braude.

To continue this column, your ideas and contributions are not only welcome, but needed. No definition has to be unique as words, not too surprisingly, have many meanings.

Use Devilsdefinitions@gmail.com to submit definitions to be included in future columns. Identify yourself, name and phone number, and indicate if you want your name printed with your definition.

Thank you and enjoy.

Richard Lubin is a Benicia resident.