By Joyce Middlebrook
The Benicia Fullosopher

I recently retired from working part time on cruise ships and–with 30 years of cruising experience–I now feel free to reveal all the things they don’t tell you in the slick brochures, magazine ads, and thrilling videos that promise luxury, exotic ports, fabulous food and maybe even romance. There is a little bit of truth to_these marketing campaigns. Whether the experience is as fabulous as it looks in the pictures depends upon the class of ship, your expectations, and how much you are willing to spend. There are 341 cruise ships worldwide to choose from, generally in classes called mainstream, premium and luxury. There is a ship to suit every taste and style, from a small yacht to what looks like an enormous floating hotel, with lengths of voyages from two days to several months.
There is no limit on how much you can spend on a cruise. On luxury ships daily rates may be $600 to $1,000 per person, where alcohol, tipping, excursions, and sometimes airfare are included. However, there truly are bargains available on sites such as vacationstogo.com where I have seen discounts up to 91 percent off the brochure price. Ships do not like to sail empty because the expenses such as port charges, fuel, insurance, and crew wages are the same regardless of the number of guests, no longer called passengers. As the sailing date approaches, prices continue to drop until all cabins are sold. Ships know that once you get onboard, you will spend money in the bars, spa, casino, gift shops, specialty restaurants, and ship-sponsored excursions.
There is no better vacation bargain for a family with children of any age. I’ve often seen fares of $50 to $100 per day per person, with reduced fares for children. Tax, tips, and sometimes fuel charges are added to the basic fare. The fare includes the cabin, food, entertainment, childcare, and numerous onboard activities for both children and adults.

How to choose a ship

The website Cruisecritic.com is a great place to begin. There you will find a complete list of ships with details such as when a ship was built, when and how it was refurbished, number of guests and crew, quality of food and service, description of restaurants, typical guests, onboard activities, general ambiance, and reviews from past cruisers. The site also has a wealth of cruise tips and advice.
First: Imagine yourself onboard a ship. Do you want an exciting, party atmosphere? Do you want a big variety of onboard entertainment? Do you long for a couple of weeks in quiet surroundings and dining on gourmet food? Do you want to toast on pristine white sand beaches in crystal clear water? Do you want to see things on your bucket list: the stunning Norwegian fjords, crashing glaciers of Antarctica, erupting volcanoes, ancient cities in Europe, whales in Mexico? The list goes on, and rest assured, there is a ship that will fulfill your dreams. You might enjoy a specialty cruise, such as a business conference or a dialysis cruise where the ship provides medical equipment, doctors, and nurses. There are gay, bridge, low-carb , dancing, music, history, photography, computer, golf, food and wine, fitness, celebrity cruises, and more. On one ship, I saw a room with thirty sewing machines–a quilting cruise. On another, a “Star Trek” cruise with some of the stars from the show. No doubt the guests were in Trekkie heaven when they got to parade around the ship in their “Star Trek” costumes for Halloween. Separate meeting rooms and activities are provided for participants on specialty cruises.
I am only going to mention one ship to show how a cruise has morphed from a rather peaceful ocean voyage on a small ship to a floating amusement park where the ship itself is the real destination. With launching scheduled for March 31, 2018, Royal Caribbean’s Symphony of the Seas will carry 6,800 guests and 2,100 crew members. It has eighteen decks, twenty restaurants, an ice skating rink, a pool for surfing, a zip line, laser tag, rock climbing, water slides, a water show with high diving, Broadway musicals, a sports bar with thirty screens, multiple swimming pools, and more. The family suite is booked for an entire year, and the cost for one week for eight people at Christmas is $90,000. Or you can book a one-week Caribbean cruise, Miami round trip, on this ship for $623 per person. On vacationstogo.com I just saw a one-week, Miami round trip on MSC Seaside for $489, a 62 percent discount.
Second: Decide how long you want the cruise to be and what your budget is.
Third: Everything you need to know is on the Internet, but contacting a travel agent could save you time and even money.
In subsequent columns, I’ll write about how ships try to sell sell sell once you are onboard, and how many perks that once were free are now only available for a fee. You’ll read about some of the most memorable guests I’ve met on ships, the onboard games and events, shipboard romance, religious services, the food, ship excursions versus venturing on your own, what the ports have to offer, how to avoid ship illnesses, and how I pack for a two-month cruise in just a single carry-on bag.

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