The A Cappella Handyman: Honey-Do Handymanning

Honey-Do Handymanning

In this my 15th year of riding in this Handyman saddle, it’s time to move on to the Honey-Do Phase. Just as busy as always, but a tad lighter in tasks than previously. What does that mean “Honey-Do?” That’s the phrase where the wife or spouse or significant other says, “Honey I need this done, or that done,” or in short form, “Honey I have this To Do List, can you look at it this weekend?”
And so the lists I’ve seen, created myself, or done for my wife Janice and others typically include:

1. Change the furnace filters
2. Weedeat the side yard
3. Blow the Fall leaves off the front porch
4. Weedeat/scalp the backyard patio weeds
5. Clean up and trim the camellias
6. Weedeat perimeter of lawn and small driveway weeds
7. Install a new door deadbolt
and/or adjust striker plates
8. Repair broken closet clothes pole and install improved shelf supports
9. Install new shelving expanding closet capacity
10. New shelving for the garage, wire-type, adjustable
11. Fish pond, seasonal cleaning
12. Kitchen cabinet and drawer repair
13. Add missing shelves to the pantry
14. Lazy Susan in the corner has lost its way, check it for what to do?
15. Hang new curtains and new selected art on walls
16. Replace worn wheels on back rolling screen door or replace entire thing
17. Replace smoke alarm batteries, they’re making that “I’m dying” noise again.
18. Finish wall paint touch up.
19. Dump run: some good stuff to Goodwill, other stuff to Martinez Transfer Station (Dump)
20. Exterior and interior handrails
21. Assemble custom hammock, bench & IKEA-like boxed furniture
22. Repair side gate post and latch, gate sags, adjust hinges or?
23. Fence leans, straighten with 2×4 at top spanning post or new post?
24. Convert side gate to closed fence section
25. Toilet handle? Broken chain? Or ghost flushing, needs new flapper?

That’s enough for awhile take a poetry break:

Poetry Embers

In the flux and flow
of the poet’s day,
we see and feel
the embers glowing
The best we can do
is to nurture these
in ourselves and others,
feed them light kindling
and gentle winds, nurture
their earth and rain and sunlight,
they are the seeds of change
and cultural evolution.

Muffins and Toast

Muffins and toast,
pastry and/or croissants,
at the store I look for
what treats I can find
for my breakfast fuel
of excitement
to kickstart my day
with tea or coffee
and a shot of honey –
Turn on the ignition,
kick it over Once, Twice,
Three times, damn you, Start!
Throttle it up with a sputter,
empty the dishwasher,
clear the sink and counter,
devour this stuff,
sit in my favorite chair
in the corner
shrouded by two blankets,
nap and get ready for
the rest of the day.
(The cat-boys
will have to wait another
hour for their stuff,
this day is still mine!)

Detritus

In the detritus
of our day,
we put our tools away,
recycle our resources,
and salvage what we can
of our former selves.

Survivalist

The Survivalist Handyman
fixes the gate that won’t open,
the screen door that won’t roll,
the fence that leans
into the neighbor’s yard
the closet pole that broke
under load,
the cabinet drawers that
groaned from the strain,
lost their bottoms, their
brackets, and/or their rollers.
The Lazy Susan that
stopped completely,
the garage doors that won’t open
like they used to in 1930.
The lock that used to work,
the weatherstripping that once
was new; the curtains, art,
and pantry shelves that
need to be installed,
moved, or tweaked
just a little.
The toilet handle broke,
you do those too?
What about
low water pressure?
Cat door? Dog door?
Yes, those too.
Made an external
Cat House once
that a Realtor later said
would be great
for raising chickens,
and a ramp for a dog
that was too old
to go up its own back steps.
Got a new bench,
can you assemble it?
The Hammock too?
Take these things
to the dump? No problem.
Demolish this old barbecue
and take it to the dump?
Sure!
www.handymanservicespeterbray.com