MANY OF US HAVE DREAMS about sexual encounters that we would never imagine, or even want, in our waking lives. So where do these dreams come from and what do they mean? The people, setting, relationships, appropriateness and emotions of such dreams are all clues.

Dear SMYD,

I am a more than a little embarrassed to send this dream to you, but I really want to know what it is about: I dreamed I was trying to make love to my supervisor at work! Every time I had him in my arms or near a bed, we would be interrupted or he was distracted or even disappeared. The dream was upsetting and frustrating to experience.

When I woke up, I felt confused because as much as I admire and respect this man, it has never occurred to me to have a sexual relationship with him. For one thing, we’re both married to other people. But even if we weren’t, he’s 30 years older than I am! He is patient and kind, full of wisdom and humor — all things I admire. But I am not attracted to him in “that way.”

If I think of this dream at work, I can barely look my boss in the eye!

Signed, Embarrassed by My Own Dream

Dear Embarrassed,

A good place to start with your dream is to recognize your supervisor not as himself but as a representative of the qualities you admire in him and want for yourself. That might help you move past the embarrassment! You mention several qualities you respect and admire in your boss — kindness, patience, wisdom and humor. Are these qualities that you find yourself lacking in some cases, at work or at home?

From there, think of the purpose or function of actions or objects in your dreams. Most notably, making love: Among other things, the act of lovemaking satisfies a yearning to integrate or become one with someone, or as in your dream, with the things that someone represents. You want to become one with the qualities he represents.

In your dream, you and your boss are interrupted or distracted; he even disappears on occasion. This could be indicative of your failed efforts to show patience or kindness when it is most needed. Where in your life do you find yourself paying only superficial attention, or losing your patience with those around you?

Your dream includes your boss, but is it set at work or at home? The setting of your dream can be key in clarifying where you need to, or hope to, improve.

Maybe you allow stress or the details of less important things draw your attention away from key opportunities to be gentle with those you love. Perhaps you’re not truly “present” for those around you, allowing distractions from elsewhere to intrude — too much time at work or too little recognition of the needs of your family.

Be honest with yourself, Dear Dreamer. Your dream brings you a persistent prompting to improve your relationships.

Sweet Dreams to you!

Carolyn Plath, M.Ed., is a Benicia resident and member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams. Reach her at sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com.

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