I OFFER THE FOLLOWING, which try to be sly, tongue-in-cheek definitions, and invite you, the reader, who might be interested to propose others.

No definition has to be unique as words, not too surprisingly, have many meanings.

Definition, n. A comment that is short, sharply biting and almost borders on the truth. (If it does not offend someone, it is probably not sharp enough.)

Religion, n. A set of beliefs that are indisputably correct as long as it is our religion.

Cigarette, n. A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other. From G. Heckman.

Stupid, Adj. A trait like a bald spot on the back of your head. Everyone knows you have it but you.

Pharmacist, n. A helper on the farm. Contributed by Alan Switzer.

Teenager, n. A person old enough to know the consequences of ignoring right from wrong and young enough to do it anyway.

Politician, n. A person with the remarkable skill of being able to speak out of both sides of her/his mouth simultaneously.

Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline. From Cappucid.

Cheat, n. Someone who did what everyone else does but got caught doing it.

Cheat, v. To take an action others lack the nerve or opportunity to do. (See: Infidelity.)

Arbitrator, n. A cook who leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s. Contributed by Alan Switzer.

Child, n. An unimaginably untrainable monster.

Grandchild, n. A God-given miracle.

Infidelity, n. Seeking forbidden fruit and suffering untold agony while enjoying oneself.

Coffee, n. A person who is coughed upon. From Cappucid.

Menu, n. Colorful, enticing descriptions of portions that are too small and overcooked.

Use Devilsdefinitions@gmail.com to submit definitions to be included in future columns. Identify yourself, name and phone number, and indicate if you want your name printed with your definition. Thank you and enjoy.

Richard Lubin is a Benicia resident.