Editor’s note: Read part one by CLICKING HERE.

MANY CHILDREN WITH ADHD ALSO HAVE a specific learning disability (“SLD”) that can manifest as having trouble with reading, math, writing or language.

A small percentage of children have Tourette syndrome. Tourette symptoms come in the form of tics and other movements, like eye blinks or facial twitches, that cannot be controlled. People with this disorder may make strange sounds or have no control over their use of curse words. These behaviors can usually be controlled with medication.

Anxiety from the tremendous stress these children are under usually manifests as anger. Their feelings of inadequacy for not having the ability to perform assigned tasks, both at home and in school, compounded by the way they are seen by their peers in a social setting presents an amazing struggle that definitely impacts their behavior and coping ability. A cause for concern should be noted here, as some of these children experience depression. They are unable to see beyond their feelings of hopelessness. The symptoms of depression will show as constant disruption of sleep, loss of appetite or a severe increase in food intake or inability to perform daily responsibilities.

Understanding the Purpose of Your Child’s Behavior

Try to discern the underlying reason for your child’s behavior. Ask the who, what, when, where, how and why questions regarding whatever is going on at the time. Many times the responsibility for the behavior is incorrectly left with the child.

The undesirable behavior may be caused by some physical or chemical imbalance. It may be a side effect of medication or be the result of some conflict between them and a teacher or friend. Or it may be that they are upset with you, their parent.

It is important for all of us to know that behavior, even bad behavior, is a form of communication. It is our responsibility to try to comprehend what our child is trying to communicate to us, and then make any necessary changes to effect the appropriate solution.

Ask yourself some of the following questions to help you with this task.

Is your child asking for:

• A different type of structure? It may be more or less than is currently being applied. Sometimes your child needs more freedom than what is being given to them; sometimes the opposite is true.

• More emotional support and reassurance?

• More movement and exercise?

• More (or less) stimulation, challenging work and experiences?

Could the behavior be in response to:

• Undue expectations that cannot be met?

• Our style of dealing with the child? Maybe we are being too authoritative; maybe we are not listening carefully enough. Maybe we are not paying enough attention.

• A change within the family? Has there been a newborn? Are there marital problems going on? Has there been a move from one location to another?

Could the behavior be in reaction to:

• Criticizing the child in front of their friends?

• Insisting on a response before your child has the time to access the information or perform the activity?

• Teasing by friends or siblings?

• Being reprimanded for poor organization?

• Assigning a task that is too difficult?

• Assigning a task that is too repetitive and boring?

• Being given unclear directions?

As a parent, it is paramount that we become good listeners and observers and that we are cautious not to react too quickly, or before we know the underlying factors of a situation. We must practice first being introspective and then reacting to what it is our children are showing us that they really need.

Understanding Your Child

First and foremost, we must remember that each child comes into this world as a unique individual. They are born pure, unconditionally loving, honest, trusting and open to the world and what it has to offer. Their uniqueness is further established through their interactions within the family and outside social issues.

There are, however, some common elements in his or her humanness that they share with others. Among the most important of these is the characteristic of being a social animal with a strong desire to have acceptance, to find their place in life, and to have a relationship with others that gives them a sense of identity and security.

Children’s needs are very basic. They need to:

• Have a sense of physical and economic security.

• Love others and be loved.

• Have a sense of personal worth.

• Experience life through their own mind, body and spirit.

We sometimes ask ourselves why our child does a certain thing. It is important to recognize that children do most of what they do to achieve social acceptance. Their desire is to be respected by, and to respect, others. Accomplishing this creates a strong sense of self. Their behaviors are experiments in trying to discover what will bring recognition, acceptance and success. These are basic human needs and if we keep in mind that what they are trying to do is fulfill these needs, we will realize the “why” of most of the behaviors our children display.

They do what they do for the same reasons that we do: They want, need and indeed must have recognition, love and feelings of self-worth.

We can see in ourselves some of the ways in which we seek to satisfy these basic needs. We may recall, for example, a time when we went out of our way to make sure someone knew of an accomplishment, actually seeking to be complimented. Or we may remember a time when we felt alone or depressed and we sought reassurance from a friend or family member. Children also have a need to engage in behaviors that assure them they have a place or identity in their world. And they need this reassurance much more than we think. Without us knowing it, many of a child’s actions during the course of a day are aimed at satisfying these basic needs.

These feelings of love and worthiness give a child his or her sense of self and well-being, to which we all aspire to attain in life. This basic identity is either positive — that is, feeling a sense of success within oneself — or negative — feeling a sense of failure. Whether a child is gifted, ADHD or anywhere in between, to overcome a negative self-image or enhance a positive one you must radiate unconditional love by showing acceptance and interest, being nonjudgmental and constantly encouraging them.

Stephen Dubrofsky has been a teacher, workshop facilitator, author and parent educator for the past 15 years, helping families create healthier relationships with their children. Learn more at www.stepforwardlearningcenter.com.