THERE ARE FOUR MAIN STYLES OF PARENTING: indulgent, authoritarian, authoritative and laissez-faire. Each reflects naturally learned patterns of parental values, practices and behaviors.

We’ll briefly examine each style.

1. Indulgent parents (may also be classified as “permissive” or “non-directive”) are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation and avoid confrontation.

2. Authoritarian parents are highly demanding and directive, but nonresponsive. They are obedience- and status-oriented and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation or question. These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules and limits. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: nonauthoritarian-directive, who are directive but not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power; and authoritarian-directive, who are highly intrusive and controlling with their demands.

3. Authoritative parents can be both demanding and responsive. They monitor and impart clear standards for their child’s behavior. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative.

4. Laissez-faire parents are low in both responsiveness and making demands. They are passive and may have difficulty accepting responsibility for their behavior in the full parenting of their child.

To clarify some differences between the Authoritarian and the Authoritative parenting styles, both Authoritarian and Authoritative parents place high demands on their children and expect their children to behave “appropriately” and obey parental rules. Authoritarian parents, however, also expect their children to accept their judgements, values and goals without question.

In contrast, authoritative parents are more open to give-and-take with their children and make greater use of explanations. Thus, while authoritative and authoritarian parents are equally high in behavioral control, authoritative parents tend to be low in psychological control, while authoritarian parents tend to be high.

As I was researching parenting styles, a few very interesting facts stuck out:

• Parenting style has been found to predict a child’s well-being in the areas of social competence and academic performance, as well as psychological development and problem behavior.

• It has been observed that children and adolescents whose parents are consistently authoritative are more socially and psychologically competent than those whose parents are nonauthoritative. And it has been found that the more responsive a parent is, the more socially and psychologically balanced the child is, while parental demands are associated with how the child may do academically and behaviorally.

• It has been observed that children and adolescents from authoritarian families (high in demands, but low in responsiveness) tend to perform moderately well academically and be disinterested in their problem behavior — and that they have poor social skills, lower self-esteem and higher levels of depression.

• It has been found that children and adolescents from indulgent homes (high in responsiveness, low in demands) are more likely to be involved in their behavior and perform less well in school — and that they have higher self-esteem, better social skills and lower levels of depression.

It’s interesting to note, too, that children who have parents who exhibit an authoritative style of parenting exhibit lower levels of acting out (problem behavior), are better socially adjusted and do better academically.

Since there are several types of temperaments your child may have, your parenting style may be influenced by your child’s personality characteristics. In the next article we will discuss these different temperaments and how you may best adjust your parenting style accordingly.

Are we ready to see our children as feeling better about themselves, safer and more confident? Are we ready to experience a higher degree of success as parents? Are we really ready to bridge the widening gap and create a more harmonious family unit?

Are we ready to take what we know about ourselves and our children and to take a stand and follow through on the “Big Three” keys to successful parenting?

What are those three keys to successful parenting?

1. Be CONSISTENT …

2. Be FIRM …

3. Be LOVING!

In adapting this to our parenting style, we can empower our children to be the very best they can be!

Stephen Dubrofsky has been a teacher, workshop facilitator, author and parent educator for the past 15 years, helping families create healthier relationships with their children. Learn more at www.stepforwardlearningcenter.com.