By Robert Michaels
TWO DECADES AGO I ATTENDED A 50th wedding anniversary party. The couple being celebrated was my friend’s parents. I had known this family for several years and attended many parties and gatherings. I felt like kin.
In the presence of the couple’s children, grandchildren, relations and friends, the husband and wife, father and mother, renewed their vows after five decades of marriage. They were a religious couple, attending mass regularly. They were respected in their community. Most of their children had children and were settled in life as well.
It was a joyous occasion. Memories were shared. There was a lot of laughter, and teary eyes were massaged in tissue. The gathering was well coordinated. The guests ate, danced and socialized until the summer sky darkened and the midnight bells rung.
But there was a family secret that hovered over me like a dark cloud the entire evening.
I had recently discovered that one of the daughters, my friend, had been a victim of ongoing sexual and psychological abuse for several years.
As a little girl, she concealed her shame, fears, and the horrific memories of rape and molestation. Somehow she managed to cope. She wore a smile. She did well academically. She participated in hosting many family functions. She grew into a beautiful woman.
I don’t know how she was able to pull it off that night, not to mention all those years during and since her abuse. She had learned the art of masquerade. She had to.
The same man who was responsible to lovingly lead, protect and provide for her, threatened to abuse her siblings if she ever told anyone. She had to protect her sisters from her father. She kept silent, though the nightmares continued.
Though the family members are displaced throughout the globe and I’m no longer in contact with them, the thought of that night haunts me. But this could be anyone’s story.
Like most off-balanced behavior, pedophilia has been labeled a disorder by the psychiatric community. But a disorder leaves pedophiles as victims of their condition, and perhaps with an excuse, at least in their own eyes, for their behavior.
Why these men are sexually attracted to children is a question that may never have a satisfactory answer. To most parents, it’s not a question of why pedophiles are the way they are, only a matter of how to protect their children from them.
Pedophilia has been around since the dawn of man. But thanks once again to modern technology, networking between pedophiles has exploded to overwhelming proportions, making it difficult to apprehend and prosecute these criminals.
Statistics from law enforcement and mental health departments suggest that in their lifetime active predators may abuse 250 or more children. Their victims may include their own children, or those within extended family, in local neighborhoods, within religious affiliations, clubs and associations, Little Leagues, schools and day cares, and so on.
Pedophiles even have resources to help them engage is child sex tourism. They can travel within the U.S. and abroad and find brothels or pimps who offer outlets to satisfy their cravings. These are children who often have been abducted or lured by criminal entrepreneurs, or sold to traffickers by desperate parents trying to put food on the table.
Pedophiles are masters of manipulation and deception. They know children like candy and puppies. They cultivate the trust of parents and their children. They know how to blend. They might take jobs or volunteer in environments that place them in proximity to little ones.
The one common denominator between all pedophiles is the possession of child pornography. The production, distribution, purchasing, sharing and receiving of child porn is a crime, and in most cases a felony, thus making all pedophiles — even those who never act on their urges — criminals.
Some pedophiles may be content (for a time) with fantasy, while others — true predators — commit acts of molestation or rape. But whether seemingly passive or physically aggressive, within every pedophile lies a heart with evil intent and a mind that is extensively perverse.
It’s all too easy to call pedophiles monsters or devils, and rightly so. But they are not animals. They are husbands and fathers, grandfathers, sons and uncles. The fact is: Pedophiles are people, too.
The Bible says that all men and women are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26, 27), and as such are accountable to their Creator for every thought, word and deed (Hebrews 4:12, 13). When pedophiles sin against children, they sin against God’s holy law, and “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:31).
But because pedophiles are people — not monsters — they are also free to come to the Lord Jesus for forgiveness and salvation. There are no exceptions in Scripture that prohibit them from receiving this gift.
Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28,29). Jesus can deliver pedophiles and make them new creations.
But make no mistake. God is not mocked. And since the nature of this crime is so serious, it calls for drastic measures. One of the evidences that individual pedophiles have given their lives to Christ is that they will make attempts to reconcile and restore the families they have destroyed. This ultimately includes a willingness to turn themselves over to the authorities for prosecution, as well as assisting law enforcement in apprehending others engaged in the raping of children. God demands justice, especially on behalf of children.
But the cross of Christ means spiritual redemption for all who call out to Jesus (remember the thief crucified next to Jesus — Luke 23). He will not turn away anyone who seeks mercy. He will not reject any who call upon him for deliverance. Jesus came for sinners.
My friend became a Christian later in life and was eventually able to forgive her father rather than live a life of bitterness. Thus began, for her, the process of healing.
Robert Michaels is a long-time Benicia resident. He can be reached at robert.eagleswings@yahoo.com.
Sharing is caring!
I think the bible bs is crap.
It does not take a compilation of letters written over a huge time span with varying lists of “rights” and “wrongs” to come to the moral realization that pedophilia is wrong.
Pedophiles should be dealt with through the justice system. A coming to god will not heal the open wound created by their deeds. Forgiveness is not the same as being healed, and forgiveness, for any wrong, is not contingent upon Christianity.
This article has convinced me that the Benicia Herald is total crap. The paper does not address any real issues in town and resorts to pushing religion.
Hold on, I’m getting a little religion here. Oh Lord (as my eyes roll back in my head) this is crap! Ah, there, got that out of my system.
Dear Sir, or Madam,
There are pedophiles living in Benicia. I can’t think of anything more “Real” (4th paragraph) than the “issue” of of child sexual abuse. If you find town hall meetings exciting please attend and speak your first amendment mind.
As for the Bible being bs, I am interested why you think it so.
I have five questions for you.
1) What do you believe spiritually?
2) Who do you believe Jesus is?
3) Do you believe in heaven and hell?
4) If you were to die (today) and stand before God, Why would HE let you in to his heaven?
5) If what you believe is wrong, would you want to know it?
I welcome your response to my email if you wish.
robert.eagleswings@yahoo.com
I have seen the toll child sexual abuse takes on not only the lives of perpetrators and their victims, but also the families of both abuser and abused. The damage done to families’ runs a course that is long and difficult; there is an intergenerational pattern that continues to harm families well beyond the actual abuse. This is a highly serious matter. Yes, there are pedophiles living in Benicia (known via the Megan’s Law registry and those who have not been criminally prosecuted and identified); however, addressing the issue by implying that some “come to Jesus” approach is the answer does not actually address child sexual abuse; your article is thinly veiled evangelical propaganda (evangelical as in the act of evangelizing a faith rather than the subdivision of protestant christianity known as evangelists). Stating that victims or perpetrators should find religion does nothing to stop or prevent the abuses from occurring.
Regarding my religious beliefs, I grew up in a protestant home with a very good church family whom I loved then and still love very much today. However, it was the community rather than the dogma that was the power that lay within that particular community. The good of religion seems to come from the ability to have a common goal around which to organize rather than the dogma it presents which seems to do more harm in the long run from the “us vs. them” mentality which eventually arises.
There are many good books out there on why the bible is not a document which should dictate the way we live lives in the modern world, is a collection of documents which are taken completely out of context, is a collection of documents used to further the lopsided views of those who stand in the pulpit as well as lay members who have an agenda to push (whose rhetoric typically consists of a sound bite such as, “this is what the bible says therefore there is no alternative argument”), etc.. Consider Bart D. Ehrman’s work (a biblical scholar & prior fundamentalist Christian turned agnostic). Biblical passages do not dictate moral standards; they have simply documented some of forms of moral standards throughout history – not all of which have stood the test of time or of changing communities and values.
While I have made comments regarding my religious stance, it is unclear how my religious beliefs actually matter. Are you suggesting that moral values, that the significance of this issue (yes, I used that “issue” word again) is beyond me if I do not believe in your brand of philosophy/faith/spirituality? If I no longer consider myself to be a christian, but rather jewish, buddhist, zoroastrian, a worshiper of dionysus, a wiccan, or an atheist does this, in your opinion, mean that there is no mode of attaining empathy for an abuser/abused person?
How does christianity absolve/heal/reduce the damage done by abusers to abused where these other faiths or spiritual belief systems cannot or do not? You advocate very strongly for the Christian faith to do this, but offer no reason why other modes of philosophy cannot provide a path for a modicum of healing. More importantly, you offer no real way of dealing with pedophilia…
Thank you for taking the time to explain where you’re coming from and your stands-convictions-beliefs.
I also thank you for being frank with me, I appreciate men and women who are upfront-honest about how they feel about Jesus, the Bible and Christianity.
As to the questions I posed to you, it was nothing more than a genuine desire to know what you believe about the Biblical God and the scriptures that you seemed to oppose. Your initial response was borderline hostile. I was/am curious why. Not that you owe me an explanation.
Having said that, I hope that you don’t think in any way that I, or any genuine Christian for that matter, believes that I/we are better than those who are not. That would be a false representation of the truth. I am a former thief, liar, drug and alcohol abuser (and more). I was not looking to become a Christian. Didn’t want to be a Christian. Resisted it. The Lord found me, not visa versa. And he changed me. And still is. The former 18th century slave trader, John Newton, said it best. “Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I am found, was blind but now I see.”
Every writer for the opinion section of the Herald has different worldviews (Atheists, Buddhists, Christians, Feminists, Republicans, Democrats, liberals, conservatives, etc). My worldview is going to be in contrast with many of the others, and obviously yours.
So since I am a Christian, I write from that perspective. I trust you would be true to what you believe as well. The Herald is unbiased in who and what they publish. And all the writers that contribute appreciate it.
What was my purpose for writing the piece about pedophiles? To address the evil that it is (opposed to the position that it is a “disorder”, or “sexual orientation”). Secondly, though it is an evil that must be confronted by our goverment and law enforcement. And since that nature of the crime is vicious, personally I believe that these men should live out the remainder of their lives in prison. But they, like any other sinner has the opportunity to receive spiritual pardon from their Creator ~ Jesus. And the proof, of their repentance, as I said, is a radical change in behavior (no more abuse, seek reconciliation and restitution, confession to authorites, a willingness to cooperate with law enforcement, and be content to go to prison for their crimes).
If a pedophile genuinly repents than there will be one less abuser on the streets. If victims go to Christ for help, Christ promised to heal. In my church alone there are several victims that placed their trust in Jesus’ and his promises to heal and deliver. And he has. How would you respond to them?
Having said that, I have not said, or implied, that people of other beliefs and faiths (such as yourself) are not sympathetic to the victims, or that they don’t possess a sense of justice. That would be arrogant as well as ignorant.
Your third paragraph is a general statement from a skeptic’s point of view. I get it. But I don’t buy it. And I find it very interesting that some serious skeptics (past and present) that have researched the Bible – to disprove the Bible – ended up converting to Christ and embraced the Scriptures as the infallible inspired Word of God that they once dispised and mocked.
I hope that you will continue to read the herald. Perhaps you will contribute to the opinion section yourself. I plan to write more on “sexual sins” in the upcoming weeks (human trafficking, pornography, prostitution). I hope you will read them and feel free to share your opinions again.
robert
What issues are we failing to cover? Tell us … and then we’ll cover them! See how easy that is?
As for this oped, it is one of many we publish on a wide variety of subjects from a wide variety of viewpoints. If you haven’t noticed then you’re not paying attention. Ed.
You nearly had me hooked there with that first paragraph. Then you threw in the second and it looks as though you are going the Appleby’s route… Fortunately(?) The Benicia Hank does not have as wide a distribution as the omnipresent chain.
Not sure what that means but if you have a news tip in future email it to beniciaherald@gmail.com. Despite being more limited than Applebee’s we’ll cover it, if it has anything to do with Benicia. Ed.
She can forgive him… While he does 200 years in solitary. What he did is not a sin..it is a (or perhaps multiple) felonies.
We need to stop treating our spiritual leaders as if they are spokespeople for God. It’s clear that there is no correlation between those who have been called to preach and the average man. One only has to look at the Catholic church for countless examples.
It seems that, in any community, priests (and their various religious counterparts) have overwhelming power, respect, and authority. And it is often this imbalance that gives them the tools they need to commit the crimes that they do.
I’m certainly not suggesting that all priests abuse their power — but for someone who is interested in taking advantage of others, what better line of work than one where you are followed and trusted blindly?
I’m glad that the author of this piece suggests that these criminals turn themselves in to our criminal justice program. But the answer to pedophilia is not Jesus, nor is it Christianity or anything of the sort.
The answer is to stop treating this crime as a “hush-hush” event with the “ignore it and it will go away” attitude. It’s time for churches need to step up, and for their followers to put justice before faith.
Agreed. As Christopher Hitchens once said, “Not all clergy are bad people, but when they go bad, they go very bad indeed”.
Pedophila is evil and perverse. Chruches must be responsible-concerned-accountable to contact law enfor out faithcement when/if pedophiles are caught hiding within the church.
It is not that Christians are to put justice before faith. God is JUST. God loves justice and hates injustice. And he expects all men and women to be JUST since we were created in his image.
For the Catholic church to shield or relocate criminals, allowing predators to continue to abuse more children (pedophiles) and not be accountable to the law is an injustice. That goes for clergy in any church, temple, or synagogue.
Jesus said he came to set the captives free (people in bondage to sin, as well as victims). He told people they could come to him for help. He said he came for those who are sick (sinners). He was constantly ministering to the poor, sick, possessed, and oppressed.
So while I stand with you in the matter of social justice, I have to disgree with your statement and say that looking to Jesus is the answer in a dark and evil world full of suffering and injustice.
sorry for the typos above
Robert, I would be happy to agree with you if you could at least provide some definition of what “looking to Jesus” means and even the tiniest shred of evidence that it works.
A lot of people have “come to Jesus”. In the United States, some 70% of Americans have done just that. You might say that they have claimed to come to Jesus, or that they’re not really Christian, but that brings me to my first request of a definition.
Then to further that: evidence. I’m able to cite prison statistics, teenage parents, supporters of the 2nd amendment and war, crime statistics, and more that shows that the more religious a community is, the more likely it is to have a negative social well-being.
I just have to ask the common-sense question: what good comes out of “looking to Jesus”?
Contact me @ my email and I would be happy to respond to you David.
robert.eagleswings@yahoo.com