Since I was ejected from the Benicia Herald, as a contributor, I have lost two very dear friends.  I paid close attention as to how Jan Tobias and Katrina Van Male lived their lives.

For Jan, a devout Catholic, she lived the doctrine of forgiveness.  If her children did something of which she didn’t approve she loved them, as Scott her son said at her eulogy, furiously, regardless. The same was true if a friend spurned her; she would try to heal the rift.  I watched closely and at her eulogy there were all the people she had forgiven and some that were sorry they had not been more loving to her.

For Katrina, she was a loving soul.  She would keep showing up, like the Schmoo of old.  However, there was that one daughter-in-law who could not quite accept her gifts.  But in that we are human, there was one person Katrina could not accept-a fellow Benician.  She had an antipathy for Bonnie Weidel.  Many people knew Bonnie, as she was a public figure, serving as a Board Trustee for the Benicia Unified School District, and as an artist in town.  Katrina was a ceramist of some renown, though she deserved world class recognition.  Bonnie, some believe as do I, was a passable artist.  People in town kept mistaking Katrina for Bonnie as they were both petite, and did bear a physical resemblance.  It made Katrina crazy. She never quite got beyond her resentment though she was civil when they met.  Wouldn’t you know that the Benicia Library in coordination with Arts Benicia put on a show in the library that showcased two local artists-Bonnie and Katrina, in the hall together.  One of those cosmic jokes….Perhaps had Katrina gotten over her upset when she was alive, she wouldn’t be rolling over in her grave.

So, with the forgiveness theme prominent in my mind today as I prepare to go to the service for Jan Tobias at St. Dominic’s Church,  I am reviewing my own life.  I think of the one family member who doesn’t like me and I feel sorry for the fact that someday if I predecease her, she will be stuck with unresolved issues.  I have tried to heal what is between us, but she will not let her resentment go.

 As for myself…I have chosen to forgive my ex-daughter-in-law.  I had breakfast with her and my grandson on April 30.  I think it is extremely important for my grandchildren to see, in action, that adults can forgive each other—that we can move on through the hurts.  Sure, in my 76 years, I have my list of infractions, but when the opportunity presents, I would rather try to be loving, kind and FORGIVING.

Now on to the Benicia Herald….  The last editor was very kind to me and assured me that my column would continue to appear in the every other Tuesday slot.  After submitting three columns and none of them appearing in the paper, I stopped my submissions.  Now Nick Sestanovich is editor and he encouraged his contributors to resubmit.  Here I am again.  Does that count on my plus column of the forgiveness I keep practicing in my life?