Over the years my husband, Marshall, and I gave large parties for significant birthdays- 40, 50, 60, 70. Some of these parties were surprise parties and some were not. They all included lots of food, music and conviviality. They all included some level of angst. However, none were as troubling as the latest fiesta hosted for my son, Eric, for his 50th.
In my day you found a wonderful caterer or party planner.My favorite was Megan Belilse Freedman. You found a band or DJ. My favorite DJ was Jason Diavatis and band included Ron Garcia and Keith Jordan. We wrote the checks, sent out the invitations by snail mail asked for a RSVP and sat back looking forward to getting our favorite friends under one roof. We had some wonderful galas.
Let’s think 2016.
My son’s 50th party was to be held on the day after he returned from three weeks abroad. We were given a list of invitees that included their phone numbers and nothing else. The party was to be held in his new home in Roseville.
“Have a good day, see you,” he said as he screeched out of the driveway on his way to the airport. Needless to say, I still had a few questions unanswered.
Some of these were:
* How do you send invitations on Evite with only phone numbers?
* What kind of food would you like?
* Who is doing what?
* Why does the refrigerator smell so bad?
* Why did I think this was a good idea?

However, my daughter, Eve and her husband, Johnny took care of the food. Bob and I took care of the drinks, Bob sent the invitations by text and did the photo slideshow, and Deborah did the decorations. The party happened and we had so much fun with the guests who came together under one patio roof.
But I come back to why did I think this was a good idea. Fifty might not always be important to celebrate for everyone. In our case, my son, Eric has something to say about this time in his life:
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My Birthday wish @ Fifty
“Luck for Everyone”

As I’ve traveled across Europe in celebration of my 50th birthday, I’ve had some time to reflect on my life, and life in general. It’s the best gift ever. The people in Europe have been warm and gracious with quiet friendliness.

What is Luck
During my travel and musings I’ve considered my life and there is one word that comes up my entire life “lucky”, blessed charmed, fortunate.
Senaca says ”Luck is the combination of preparation and opportunity.”
People have said throughout my life how lucky I am. I have to admit, I always feel cheated when people say, “He’s so lucky”, dismissing me like I’ve been anointed king and I somehow missed all the unpleasantries of life.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful for being lucky I wouldn’t trade my luck for anything. I seriously go through life knowing that whatever happens will turnout fine because I have luck.

Luck for Free
Turning 50, I want to give away my gift of luck to everyone-a birthday wish,
As it turns out luck isn’t as easy as it may seem to the cause observer. I have been practicing luck for so long, everyone sees it as effortless, maybe graceful. life is messy; believe me when I say that I had my setbacks and heartbreaks in life. One must persevere as the ambassador of luck.
Luck is the consequence of small actions practiced regularly.

Think of others first
Keep your heart open
Be honest
Be grateful
Make people laugh until they cry
Be giving without expectation
Listen with intention
Be curious and ask questions
Compliment people often
Admit when you’re wrong
Say you’re sorry
Look to understand
Compromise
It’s not about you
Invite people along

Getting it right

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve had trouble with many of these simple tasks especially saying I’m sorry or wrong. I wish I could get all of this right. If I’m lucky I have another 30 years to work on it.
I will say with conviction that when I practice my philosophy of luck I’m well…really lucky!
You see in my experience with luck: luck is a gift from everyone else.
When people recognize that you’re lucky they probably don’r realize that they are the ones that have given it to you to begin with.
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And I have something to say about giving Eric a 50th birthday party. I want to say yes to 50 and the maturity it can bring. This birthday was certainly one to celebrate.

Ellen Blaufarb is Eric’s mother and a Marriage Family Therapist

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