On New Year’s Eve, Megan, Bob and I went to see “Manchester by the Sea.” What a way to end a year – on the lowest note imaginable. A theme of the movie is that some things hurt too much to get past, but don’t worry. Nothing that horrible happened to me in 2016.
However as an anti-Facebook posting, a few undesired, unpleasant and unexpected occurrences were a part of the fluid scene.

The Traffic Ticket
Cruising along Highway 4 at 72 miles per hour after having passed a slow moving vehicle in a 55 mph zone, I noted a police car coming toward me. His radar saw me and with screeching tires, I was stopped along the Delta hanging off the shoulder of the road– well, nearly.After $240 in fees and $60 in traffic school costs, I was considering never speeding again. I had not slowed down after passing and was about to do so. I really wasn’t that guilty. Then I took the online traffic school class. Being the student I am, I had to read every word of the seven sections of traffic laws and rules. I sat down at 6 p.m. knowing that “Madam Secretary” was on at 9 p.m. I raised my head from the computer screen at 10 p.m. My resolve is to never speed again. Yep, that is me in the slow lane behind the 15 Walmart trucks headed for Reno. No passing for me, ever.

The Loss of Uncle Leo and Mardell
Mardell was 87 and Leo 104. They both passed away in 2016. Mardell had the opportunity to meet her great grandson born a month before she died. Her graceful exit and strong religious, Episcopalian faith, were her strength. Seeing her family go on without her is a testimony to her courage. When at the ceremony celebrating her life, the entire family streamed down the aisle and I found myself looking for her wondering what she was wearing in her exquisite taste.
Leo was my mother’s brother and a most amazing man. I spoke to him a week before he decided it was time to leave. I said, “So Uncle Leo, do you believe there is an afterlife?” He replied, “Are you kidding, Ellen? I believe in science. “
How courageous to have no alternate plan and fade into oblivion. Uncle Leo was one of those who I can try to emulate in his path in life- always learning, always giving, always positive. I knew them, and they live in me.

The Hip Replacement

The fantasy:
I was going to be up and walking in six weeks after my surgery. The first two weeks at my son Eric’s home were going to be warm, close, supportive and heartwarming. Then I would return to Benicia, have a few physical therapy sessions and be the fastest healing, moving 76-year-old whose hip had been totally destroyed. I would be the poster girl for hip surgeons across the nation. My family, Eve, Eric and Bob would be sitting in the front row at the Kaiser Foundation award ceremony when I climbed the 20 steps to the stage and received my Tesla.

The reality:
My son Eric expected to have me at his home and be the sole caretaker and then Bob showed up. Eve, my daughter, took over my first two days and nights. Eric was kicked to the side of the road and was resentful. (You may think I am exaggerating. Read on) My daughter was getting on my son’s last nerve. My son was getting on my daughter’s last nerve. They were more interested in my physical therapist and my friend, June, than they were in their mother who kept asking for things like her medication, walker, food, the book across the room and the TV.
Eric and Eve kept sneaking away to the living room whispering sweet anti- nothings about their demanding mother. Then there was sweet Bob. What was he doing there helping out their mother? So, in part one of my reality tale, as all good tales must end, there was the sequence titled:

The Carpets Got Cleaned, But the Patient Died.

On the day before I was to leave Eric’s– a Friday– the carpet cleaning guy was to show up. I was leaving for Benicia Saturday morning.
As the guy could not come on Saturday, you guessed it. The bedroom I was staying in had stuff strewn around-all my hobbies, equipment, collectibles. All was tossed out of the room. I, in my second week of healing, had no bedroom as the carpets were soaking wet and then there was the noise.
So you see my fantasy of family solidarity did not materialize. But a good clearing of the air did ensue, when all frustrations were expressed.
As for the second part of the fantasy, the one about my award, well…recently, I saw the physical therapist, Mark, at Kaiser. He is the man. He tested, twisted and turned me upside, downside and inside outside. Ouch! Six weeks and walking without a cane is out of the question—more like three months, maybe. There goes my Tesla.

Yes, there were some upsets in 2016 but nothing I can’t beat (“Manchester By the Sea”). Hope your 2017 has only those problems you, too, can get on top of.

Ellen Blaufarb is a Marriage Family Therapist. 

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