It isn’t often that I have had huge blocks of time to allow multiple reality shows of one venue to wash over me.  However, my recent recuperation from hip surgery allowed me to indulge in the home renovation shows, home search and the baking competitions.
Who knew that I would gain some awareness I didn’t have before and gain some insights.
First, about awareness.  Watching the many baking competitions, I was not surprised at the beautifully designed cakes.  I had in fact done some cake decorating during my days as a stay at home mom.  I got pretty good at making the doll cake (a doll in the middle of the cake with her dress piked over the sides) and the flower basket cake(a cake resplendent with spring blossoms-that was raffled off for a pretty penny).
Cake decorated examples though ingeniously designed did not delight me to the extent that watching the chocolatiers did. OMG.  I love it when I learn something new.  Who knew that our present day sculptors sculpt in dark, milk and white chocolate.  The giant displays are nothing short of astounding.  I will never look at a candy chocolate Easter egg the same way.  That experience had the wow factor so necessary for my healing to take place.
As for the insights based on the couples looking for a new home and/or renovating an old one, well…I was so pleased to have something to be annoyed about – taking my mind off the obvious drug induced discomfort.  I wondered at we women.  Are we so limited that we all want the same things in a home-a great room, open floor plan, huge kitchen with an island, large master suite with a whirlpool bathtub, large walk in closet and a swimming pool?     In this time when women are asserting their rights to fair wages, being treated with respect, and breaking out of a gender role, I was disappointed.  Disappointed that they were depending on their mates to give them what they wanted.  The men on the other hand were holding onto their financial bottom line.  The women were upholding the familiar notion men have  about us, “I want what I want”.  The women often proclaimed if they found the perfect house they didn’t want to hold to the man’s bottom line.
I saw what I saw.  The men seemed to show greater flexibility regarding the home’s attributes.  They showed interest in a variety of styles.  Often they seemed panicked that their wives weren’t more concerned about the cost.  At the same time, they wanted to help their wives realize their dreams.
While we look at the roles of men and women in the world at large, somethings don’t seem to have changed on the home front.  Men want to please their women but are conservative about the cost even when they are both bringing home the bread.  Women want what they want in their homes as an expression of their good taste.
Even with the limitation of a comfortable bed, a TV screen, and pain medication,  there is much to be mulled over in the world of reality shows, in which new talents and tastes are exposed. There is still much work to be done in moving past our familiar gender roles.  To be continued.

Ellen Blaufarb is a marriage family therapist.

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