Spike Lee in  “BlacKkKlansman” pretty much said it all in his new upsetting movie. He ran the gamut. He showed police that were racist and those that were not. He underscored the limited choices that blacks have to change things- namely, go the path of Black Power, infiltrate white organizations (the KKK), learn the lessons of the past and not let them ever happen again. Yet, has anything changed for blacks in America. It doesn’t seem so when watching the clips of white supremacists in our country that were a part of the film.
It just so happened that I attended a retirement party this past weekend for Don Smith. Most of the attendees were mixed couples in which the black men had married white women. The conversation steered to the reality of jobs in tech in the Silicon Valley.  What was underlined was that Asians dominated the scene with 90 percent of the jobs. Blacks were not sought after and if hired earned less even that an Asian woman.  All these professional men were in agreement with the state of affairs for employment in the tech world.
The next day, Bob and I attended an MIT yearly event that took place in Mountain View at the Computer History Museum. At the luncheon, I noted 90 percent Asians, many mixed Asian/white couples, 10 percent whites and, oh yes, one black gentleman showed up. One!
I found this weekend very disconcerting. It isn’t that I, or you, don’t know our shameful history from slavery, to southern white power to the inequalities in the work force. The power of the social setting in which the men spoke calmly and articulated the truth of their world, combined with the reality of the Silicon Valley event made all of the scenes in the movie all the more personal. The truth is the truth. I just never paid much attention to what is obvious when someone takes the time to evaluate audience participation.
I don’t know who will show up to see “BlacKkKlansman,” but I doubt there will be any racists in the audience.  There might be liberal whites and African Americans getting frustrated and upset.   Can we ever reach those who really believe that the color of their skin inherently makes them superior?
I  was very quiet at the retirement party. Grateful that everyone felt comfortable to address what was very disturbing. I listened. And finally I said that I had felt for a very long time that the only answer to all this hate was when we finally all became mixed.  President Obama had a white mother. Meghan Markle had a white father. Entry into the white world of power and entitlement becomes much easier when you are both.  And then the bottom line for us whites is that we will never have to worry about that summer tan.

Ellen Blaufarb is a marriage family therapist.

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