What is the truth about traveling when you are older?
The truth about traveling after 75 showed up on the photograph taken by the scanner at customs in San Francisco. After 12 hours on a wonderful flight on Lufthansa air, where all your needs are met cheerfully, the seats are wide enough and there is ample leg room; my anguish was recorded for posterity. When I approached the custom’s official, she started laughing (a customs worker is always really serious) and said it was the worst picture she had ever seen. When we got to the next check point, I asked the security officer if I could keep the picture which denoted my anguished state as all my friends would get a good laugh out of my pained expression. The officer said that he was sorry but he could not release the picture because he was going to put it in a frame and hang it on a wall.
The pained expression underscores what is my truth about traveling on a bus tour. You have to be up and out and on and alert as you are moved through towns and cities. It might be okay if there was transport taking you from point to point, but eventually you are your own transport. Through your stiffness, back pain, leg cramps, spasms, you are limping along slippery cobblestone steps and uneven pavements. You are climbing steps, up and down. Mostly, you have your head down to make sure you don’t miss a curb. Italy is still interesting with your infrequent upward glances. Fortunately, you get to stand still with you mouth agape when you view the Pieta and the Sistine Chapel ceiling.
For those of us who have insisted on continuing to take river cruises, ocean cruises and bus tours, we have learned to pack, first and foremost, our pain killers be they Tylenol, Advil, Ibuprofen. As Judith Judson Baker is known to say, “Why not use the pills that are available if they help you to continue to move forward, that is what they are there for.”
Forward we moved, however, in Italy, there are precautions one must take. It rains in Northern Italy in May and June and maybe July too. Be prepared for a sudden torrent, unexpected and treacherous. And even with the utmost care, if you are old, you are being singled out by the trained, skilled gypsies.They get you in their view and you are targeted. They, especially, know you will be awed by what you see. When you are distracted by the Duomo or the Coliseum, they are there by your side to ruffle through your carefully hidden valuables. If you are struggling with your suitcases, bags, purchases, you are prey for their focused attention on your Euros. Being older, makes you vulnerable, so beware. I, embarrassedly, was robbed twice in Italy. Once on the steps of the Cathedral in Florence and once while boarding a train in Santa Margherita Legare.
Generally, you will be traveling with a group of retirees if you are off season, especially. They too are staggering along, walking side to side, huffing and puffing, with the same grimace on their faces. They refuse to use the lift when offered, sit when a place is available and grasp the railing. I use all these offerings. I wonder why they don’t ride, sit and hold on. I believe, these stalwart travelers do not want anyone to see them as physically inept. Are we all so ashamed of needing a cane, a walker, a wheelchair, someone’s arm or pain medicine, that we push ourselves too hard? Maybe the ultimate shame is not venturing out because we may not be able to hide our aging bodies, our declining capability.
On this last tour, there was one mother of 87 with her two daughters. She had macular degeneration. With one daughter on each arm, they steered her through crowds, up and down steps and across slippery cobblestones. When I spoke to her, she made it very clear that the only thing wrong with her was her eyesight. She was healthy in every other way. Did she really have to assert that she isn’t declining? The question of denial is a big one. Does denial work in our favor allowing us to do more than we can do comfortably? Or should we cheerfully admit that we are struggling and go forward anyway with a smile as our companion because that is the door that opens for us in every culture all over the world.

Ellen Blaufarb is a Marriage Family Therapist and is Chair of the Benicia Unified District Bond Oversight Committee.

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