Insomnia is a problem for many of us. Not being able to fall asleep can be maddening. After reading all the advice available and conforming to the directives, sometimes the quiet, dark room; the lack of electronic devices, the face mask, and the meditations just don’t work. Turning to ambien, or other sedatives is sometimes a sure cure. I remember a friend taking one, reading in bed and immediately falling asleep with book in hand, glasses on and still sitting up. I checked to see if she was breathing. The sleepy day after is not conducive to driving, or being alert for four hours after awakening. That approach isn’t the one we hope for in dealing with the problem.
I personally like the breathing solution. It seems to work for me. You breathe in for four counts, hold for seven and breathe out for nine. I find I am out after two attempts. That is after I cool down the room, put on my face mask, and attach my CPap hood.
However even with all of these preparations, I sometimes still can’t fall asleep. I hit on a new strategy that worked with my children. I revised the bedtime story. I remember reading to my children their favorite stories over and over again. They managed to stay awake, but I often joined them in their narrow single size bed and was out “like a light” or like a candle or like a lizard whose belly is being scratched.
The only change in the story idea is to tell the person you are helping to fall asleep a story that is terribly boring. My most effective story to date has been the one titled “Shopping at Raleys.” It goes something like this:
I was shopping at Raleys the other day and only needed a few things. I started in the fresh fruit and vegetable section looking for tomatoes on my coupon. I couldn’t find them. I walked ’round and ’round the section. I finally asked Chris for help. He checked and told me they were on aisle 12. I went to aisle 12 and found the organic tomatoes were in a can not in the fresh food section. I was then off to find bread crumbs. I walked to the bread aisle. I walked down the bread aisle. Up and down I went. I looked to the right to the left, from the top to the bottom. I ran into Barbara Ungersma. I asked her if she knew where the breadcrumbs were. She thought they might be with the crackers- aisle 2. I went up and down the aisle. I looked from right to left, from top to the bottom. Barbara asked a worker where the breadcrumbs were. From aisle 2, I walked to aisle 12 or possibly 13. It was a long walk from aisle 2 to aisle 12 or 13. I was tired by the time I got there. I needed to buy some cream cheese, so I looked in the refrigerator section near the butter, near the sour cream, near the yogurt, near the eggs- no cream cheese. I gave up. I went to the counter to check out. I had my bread crumbs and my tomatoes and a great story to bore anyone with who suffered from insomnia.
Finally, you get to do something that one must never do in our socially appropriate world: fall asleep while someone is talking to you.
The two for oner is you are snoozing, the story teller gets to rant about something and you both get what you need without insult or injury. That is if the receiver of the story doesn’t become violent because you are so darn BORING.

Ellen Blaufarb is a Marriage Family Therapist

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