Being of a certain age, it has become clear to me that my single friends are making decisions as to whether to pursue having a relationship with a significant other or going it alone in this last quarter of their lives.  It made me realize that I have always been a member of my own made up club- The Let’s Have It All Club.  It has never been either/or for me.  It has been both.  So it is no surprise that in my relationship with Bob I have four days a month of alone time and the rest of the month together.  I have both.     I realize this attitude started in high school when I had school, boy friends, girl friends, social activities and all that 16 had to offer.  Somewhere along my path I had the wisdom to eek out what each stage had to offer-school, marriage, children, career, relationships- I had it all.
Now having it all means different things to different people, of course.  Many pursue more.  More education, more marriages, more children, more auspicious careers, more relationships, more material things, more money. MORE.    These people can be members of the club, but they may be too superior to join.  One definite member of my club was Shirley.  Shirley decided at the age of 24 that she was going to experience everything that was possible for a carbon based being to do.  She was going to try everything once.  Like skydiving, bungie jumping, whatever… She is a charter member of the “Let’s Do It All” Club.  This is the sister club for very adventurous souls.
I, actually, know some people that are exemplary members.  I know them personally so I know it is true.  They took on the motto of the club- “Not Either/Or- Both”.  Eileen has had several careers ending as a partner at Dewey Ballantine Law Firm in New York.  She raised two children. Greg is a physician married to a physician and Erica is a lawyer. Eileen’s husband had his own architectural firm and in retirement is a juried artist who has had showings of his paintings. She is  part of an extended family that has dinners together at holidays and keep in contact.  She determined to have it all and has put forth the required effort on her journey.  I am offering her membership at the reduced senior rate.
Now for the goals of our club.  We are, well I should say my vision is, since this is a made up club, to influence all people around us to this notion.  There are those notables that I won’t offer this possibility because they decided along the way that having it all took too much effort, so they are currently living on a beach somewhere  tropical eating coconuts and enjoying the day.  These are people that missed out on having a family, a career, a home, a car, a million dollars in the bank.  They are in the “ Let’s Live the Day” Club.  I applied for membership, but they told me I was too conventional.  They found out about my structured life, my pursuit of the ordinary and my socialized presentation.
At this time I am contented to offer my services, and the memberships, to all whenever I hear a conversation in which someone is deciding between two places to live (what about having a hut in both places), or a career (what about one being a hobby), or children (what about renting your nieces or nephews) or education (what about getting your degree at 90 online).  As you can see I am going to be very busy breaking through the notion that you have to limit yourself.  That is why I need to start a club.  Would you like to join? What was it Woody Allen said? I would never want to be a member of a club that would have me”?

Ellen Blaufarb is a marriage family therapist.

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