I WAS BORN ON MOTHER’S DAY.

And because Mother’s Day always falls on the second Sunday in May, I shared my birthday with my mom’s day exactly three times. The day I was born, when I turned 5 and then my 11th birthday.

That was the year she died.

I don’t really remember celebrating Mother’s Day when I was a child. Maybe because, as a kid, all I could think about was what I was going to get for my birthday.

I remember one year sneaking into my parents’ room and looking through my mom’s dresser for my gifts. I found a super-cool wind-up monkey. I was so excited seeing that toy, but by the time I got it, the excitement had gone out of it. I think that was the last year I snooped around for my gift.

My mom didn’t really seem to care if we celebrated Mother’s Day. Looking back now, my guess is she probably did care, but was too modest to make a big deal out of it.

Maybe that’s how most mothers are. I mean, it’s great that we have dedicated a day to celebrate us moms, but when you spend the other 364 days of the year thinking about your children, it’s sort of hard to switch gears and think about yourself.

There was another woman in my life who stepped into the mom role after my mother died. My oldest sister Linda was my father’s daughter from his first marriage. Her mom passed away when she was young, too.

Linda was a 26-year-old wife and mother by the time mom died. And even though she was 5 inches shorter than me, she was my big sister, my idol.

It’s because of Linda that I can call myself a good mother. She taught me how to be a good woman, she taught me how to take care of myself, and she taught me how to be a wonderful mom.

She always believed in me, even when I didn’t. She had faith in me and had a way of making me feel like I could do anything. And she did it in a way that was positive too, like saying, “You are so smart, I know you will finish school with honors.” Which of course made me want to finish school with honors.

I would stay with Linda for weeks at a time, helping her with her three sons. I cherished my time with her and with my nephews.

By the time I got into high school, my attention changed from family to boys. But even though I didn’t spend as much time at my sister’s house, she was always there when I needed her.

She made sure when my eyes were on boys, that I was also being smart and safe. She had some pretty frank conversations with me that I’m certain my mother would never have had. Makes me wonder what direction my life would have taken without Linda.

As I grew up, I noticed a theme with most of my friends. It seemed like my girlfriends had strained relationships with their mothers.

One friend thought her mother was such a dork that she was embarrassed every time her mom dropped her off at school. Another complained that her mother wouldn’t let her wear makeup.

And I remember one friend coming right out and saying she hated her mother.

Wait, what? You can hate your mother? I was shocked by that, but I also envied those girls. I wanted to think of my mom as a dork, to roll my eyes when she said I couldn’t wear mascara and to feel so mad at her that I could even hate her.

But you can’t do those things to someone who isn’t there.

After my mom was gone, I put her on a pedestal. After all, you can’t speak ill of the dead, right? But when I finally did take her off that pedestal, there was plenty I found to grumble about.

Like, when I was little she would pull my hair into a ponytail so tight it hurt.

And if I complained, she would whack me upside the head with the brush she was using and tell me to be quiet.

And let me tell you, my mom could make a flip-flop sting like nobody’s business. When she was mad she would take one off and smack you with it so hard it would leave a welt.

Oh yeah, there was plenty to blame on dear ole mom. I was even mad at her for leaving me.

Then I had kids.

I was determined to be a good mother. I read all the right books and gave my boys love and understanding and discipline — without hitting. I was also determined to stay healthy and not leave them like my mom left me.

I think I messed up a bit along the way, though — like getting a divorce when they were teenagers. I read that that is the worst time for a child to experience divorce. Just when they are figuring out what a man-woman relationship looks like, you tear it apart right in front of their eyes. Good going.

And then there’s the period after the divorce when you are trying so hard to find yourself again, and you try on different hats to see what fits. My boys watched me go through so many changes, they must have wondered what in the world I was doing — and where the heck I would finally land.

But we had lots of good times, too. I remember when I finally “made it” as a real estate broker and decided to take my boys on a real vacation. We went to Puerto Vallarta and had the best time. We went sailing and snorkeling and scuba diving. We rented those fast jet skis and played “chicken” with each other in the water. It was great fun.

I would like to take the credit for them turning out to be wonderful men, but the credit is all theirs.

My oldest isn’t just book smart; he has incredible street smarts, too. He has done things in his life already that most men in their 40s would envy. I like that he is happy where he is at right now. He lives in a beautiful beach town and crashes cars for a living. He is an amazingly strong, caring man, and I couldn’t be more proud of him.

And my youngest son flies jets for the Navy. I love saying that — it totally gets a cool reaction from people. Being a fighter pilot is an amazing accomplishment — then add to it that he is married to the love of his life and they have two of the sweetest little girls. He’s a good husband and a wonderful father and I am so proud and happy for him.

So, after being a mom myself, I have learned to forgive my mother for the things she did. I even forgave her for leaving us.

I know now that we do the best we can, with what we have.

My mom had a difficult life. It’s hard to picture our moms as young women, but they were once. They had their dreams and aspirations and struggles. Mom gave up so much for us kids so that we would have a good life.

So here’s to you, mom, and my dear sister Linda, my second mother. Thank you for all of your wonderful love and for helping me to pass it along to my kids.

And Happy Mother’s Day to all of the wonderful mothers out there who are doing their best.

It’s your day.

Loretta Gavin is a writer and mother of two. She’s married to the author of “Online Dating Sucks … but it’s How I Fell in Love.” She’s also the subject of that book.