DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU WERE DOING IN JUNE 2011?

It’s OK if you don’t because I’m putting you on the spot a bit, and while I know where I’m going with that question, you don’t yet.

Here’s why I ask: In June 2011 I started writing for The Benicia Herald. And bonus points to those who can recall the name of my column back then.

Anyone?

Partial credit if you guessed “Online Dating Coach,” but the actual title was “Ladies Online Dating Coach.” Though that (quasi-chauvinistic) banner lasted only until my brother pointed out that I was excluding half my possible readership by implying my column need not be read by men.

I met John when he was the Online Dating Coach. That seems so long ago now. Boy, have things changed!

When we first met he was busy dating, dating, dating, oh and writing a bit, too. The very first time we met he told me about his column in The Herald; he was so proud of it. At the time I was the editor for a magazine based out of Santa Barbara (where I was planning to move as soon as I could afford to). John asked me if I would take a look at his column before he sent it to the editor at The Herald, which I was glad to do.

I liked it. A lot.

I liked how his writing style was refreshing and conversational. And I really liked that he was writing about relationship issues.

We had a lot of fun discussing the perils of online dating, and the differences in men and women.

In a way, the Online Dating Coach and The Benicia Herald are responsible for starting a great friendship between John and me.

Loretta and I met a month after I started writing about online dating for The Herald. I now have to admit, a lot of what I wrote back then welled out of conversations I had with her. I was interested in relationships and how men and women fit together, but while I knew a lot about the male side of the equation, I still didn’t fully understand women.

Loretta helped a great deal with that.

At first Loretta and I were friends. I was dating here and there, and so was she. When I went over to her place we’d sit on her deck and talk about subjects for the columns — like how men and women went about falling for each other.

And pretty soon Loretta and I went about falling for each other.

We’d sit there with a glass of wine and music playing and talk not just about others, but about ourselves.

I’d tell her about my family, and how I wanted my life to look. And she’d tell me about her family, and about her dreams.

When our friendship grew into a romantic relationship, things really started to change. I loved how passionate John was about his writing, and we both could see a book in his future.

We would spend hours together talking and coming up with ideas for the book, and during those times John never missed a week with his column for The Herald.

He finished the first edition of the book in October 2012, and in February 2013 he asked me to marry him.

And he shared those things with the readers of The Herald.

He also wrote about our wedding and honeymoon.

I met a woman at a soccer game once who told me she had read all of John’s columns. She told me how fun it was to read about his life and watch the transformations he was going through. I think that was the first time it really hit me that he was sharing such a big part of himself with the world (or at least with his readers).
For two and a half years John managed to find time to write a weekly column, only missing two times. But our lives were getting busier and busier. I remember when we were on the road to go see my kids for the holidays: John told me he needed to find time to write his column, which was due the day after Christmas.

He knew I had been writing for a while. It was John who encouraged me to write down some of my stories. Even some of the painful ones.

So John asked if I would consider sending The Herald one of my columns. I did, and that started a new chapter for It Occurs to Me.

And it gave John more time to market his book.

So now sometimes I write the Sunday column, sometimes Loretta does and then sometimes, like today, we both do. And that’s really kind of cool. They say you don’t know someone until you’ve seen them naked — wait, that’s not what they say. Let me try again: You don’t know someone until you’ve written a newspaper column with them.

You haven’t heard that one either?

That’s OK — first time I’ve heard it, too. But you know what? It’s kind of true.

One of the things I’ve learned about my enticingly intelligent wife is that she wants to go to college — her dream is to earn a degree. And so now, I’m proud to say, that is exactly what she’s going to do.

Loretta’s going to college.

She is now registered in all the classes for the first semester of her freshman year of college. Starting next week she’ll be walking the hallowed ivy halls. She’ll be a learned undergrad discussing lofty ideals and higher concepts. And I couldn’t be more proud— or more excited for her. I loved college, and I love that she’s about to have the same experience.

John finished the second edition of the book just a few months ago, in April. Since that time he has been busy marketing the book. We were told by every author, publisher, editor and agent out there that writing a book is easy; it’s the marketing part that takes all your time and effort.

And John’s efforts have been paying off. He just got us booked on “Good Day Sacramento.” We are both being interviewed on the show in September!

But he hasn’t stopped there. He continues to search for as many outlets as he can to get his book recognized. It’s wonderful to see him so busy and excited about our future. And it’s exciting to anticipate what is ahead of us.

Loretta makes a good point: We’re busy — and getting busier. She’s continuing to work full-time even though she’s going to take a full class load at school. I’m continuing to work as I play the part of a one-man marketing department — and if you know about my attention span, you immediately see the challenge therein.

Something’s got to give.

So, though we’re a little melancholy about it, it’s time to say that Loretta and I will no longer be writing every week for The Herald. We’ve talked to the editor, Marc Ethier, and he has graciously agreed that we will begin writing on a part-time basis.

Marc is a good editor and a good guy, and we’re happy that we get to continue to work for and with him.

And to all our readers: We want you to know how much we’ve enjoyed your readership and your support.

We’ll still write from time to time — and we hope you’ll still read from time to time. But it now occurs to us this is the last weekly edition of It Occurs to Me.

Thanks everybody . . . .

John P. Gavin is the author of “Online Dating Sucks … but it’s how I fell in love,” which is available at Bookshop Benicia. Loretta Gavin is a writer and mother of two — and the subject of John’s book.