JOHN AND I HAVE BEEN POLISHING UP HIS BOOK, “Online Dating Sucks … but it’s how I fell in love,” and I have to say, I married one stubborn guy.

Allow me to take you back a few years. In January 2012, John was feeling pretty darn proud of the six months he had been writing for The Herald as the Online Dating Coach. He expressed to me that he wanted to do more, to take his writing to a larger audience.

We talked about different ideas, from getting his writing in front of women’s magazine editors to writing a book. He liked the book idea and asked for my help.

At that point we had been friends for about six months. I use the term “friends” because that was easier for John to wrap his head around than the fact that we were really dating. He likes things to move at his pace and “hanging out” was about as fast as he could go.

As we talked about the book and what it should look like, he said he could see a compendium of his columns. You know, all in one easily accessible place.

I saw something different.

John: “Saw something different”?

What’s that supposed to mean? You saw a different format for the book? Or you saw a different format for us?

Yes, the book format idea — where you wanted me to weave our unfolding story between the weekly columns I wrote for The Herald about online dating — was actually a pretty good one. But since I didn’t come up with it, it was going to take a month or six before I admitted that to you. I’m a guy — that’s how we work.

But if you’re talking about a different format for us, well, here’s what I have to say about that: We were friends. We were hanging out and having a good time. A lighthearted, no-pressure, easygoing good time. If you figured out before I did that what we were really doing was “dating” you must understand it was going to be a month or six before I admitted that to you. Remember: I’m a guy — that’s how we work.

I could see a book full of his columns, but that wasn’t enough. He had to tell our story, too. You know, how we met just a few weeks after he started the columns, how we collaborated on so many of them, how our friendship changed into something more — the whole story.

But he just couldn’t see that, and boy, did he not want to go there. It was about then that I realized John was the kind of guy you couldn’t just spring an idea on and get him to run with it. No, he was more the “If it’s not my idea then I’m not really interested in it” kind of guy.

Stubborn. So I had to do this kind of dance, letting him think he was doing everything just the way he wanted to. Sort of like how we were dating. I let him go with the “we’re just hanging out” and I even said it was OK to date other women. The way I saw it was, good luck finding anyone better than me, pal.

We decided to arrange the columns, to group them by topic. Dating advice to women, advice to men, the odd few that were really just general good advice, etc. I made copies of all the columns and created a book for him and one for me.

One day in February we each had our “books” and an agreement to go through them and arrange them so we could compare what each other did. When I texted John to see how he was doing, he admitted that he wasn’t working on the book at all. He was actually on a date with someone else.

This went on for another month or so.

Women are so funny sometimes with that whole “arranging-circumstances-so-everything-works-out-the-way-they-want-it-to” thing.

If only they were just a little more like guys. We let life unfold in that whole “how-it’s-going-to” way. There’s no point in forcing it. Things will work out — after all, they always do, right? And when they do work out, does it really matter whose idea it was? Or who did all the work? Or who gets the credit?

Remember when the Eagles sang about a “peaceful, easy feeling”? They thought that way because they’re guys — just like me. Things are going to work out fine — so let’s enjoy the ride and not get too worked up about any one thing.

And if things work out the way I want them too, and I get what I want — then all the better.

By the end of March I decided he had just about enough time to figure things out and see things my way, which he did.

But he still didn’t take the easy route.

We put all the columns back in the order they were written, but John wanted to take certain ones out. So, on a trip down to San Diego together, we went through the book again, eliminating the columns he just couldn’t see putting in the book.

At this point we were officially dating. As in, I was his girlfriend, he was my boyfriend, we were dating each other exclusively, and everything was progressing nicely. We kept adding the new columns as he wrote them, and he started to write our story around them.

Finally, things were starting to go just the way I could see them working out.

Yes, uh, officially dating.

Wait, where did that peaceful, easy feeling go? And why did I all of a sudden feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest? I guess it must’ve been the pressure of trying to put the book together the right way. I mean, I couldn’t see putting all the columns in it — some of them somehow didn’t fit, you know?There was one column titled “The Choice” in which I actually told women they should put their guy on the spot and tell him what it is they want out of a relationship. I guess so the guy would then know, and could then proceed fully equipped with the knowledge of what it would now take to make their relationship better.

I mean yeah, it sounds like good advice. But since I tend to write from where I’m at — heavily influenced by what is going on in my life at the time — it just seemed like maybe the wrong time to be giving advice to a woman on how to stimulate emotions in her guy, you know?

When John finally listened to me say (for the hundredth time) that he writes from where he is at, he decided to put all of the columns in the book and weave our story in among them.

Sort of. He was still struggling with something, and it took several more months for me to figure out what it was.

You see, “our story” was still unfolding, especially for him. How do you come from a perspective of writing a love story when you are really just at the beginning, scary stages of it?

You don’t — not easily, anyway.

So even though he finished his book in November 2012, it took another year for the love story to become safe to tell, which is why he just finished the second edition.

Maybe he wasn’t really being stubborn after all; maybe he just needed to know this love story wasn’t going to crash and burn, like so many others before.

Relationships are so fascinating to me, especially the ones between men and women. So much so that John and I are working together on the second book.

Looks like we’re back on the same page.

John P. Gavin is the author of “Online Dating Sucks … but it’s how I fell in love,” which is available at Bookshop Benicia. Loretta Gavin is a writer and mother of two — and the subject of John’s book.

John and Loretta Gavin, authors of “Online Dating Sucks … but it’s how I fell in love” and columnists for The Benicia Herald, will be guests of honor at the Solano Single Mingle from 3-5 p.m. at Sailor Jack’s, 123 First St. Admission is $10 at the door, which includes a fun Mixer Game, accompanied by appetizers.

For more information visit thepartyhotline.com.