SO A PROFESSIONAL PHYSICAL THERAPIST who is helping me heal the anguish of tendonitis discovers what I do for a living. Abruptly, I hear: “What are you counselors telling those young people, anyway?! Can’t you tell them what jobs have openings and pay well? Can’t you tell them what to train for and get their degree in? I have a niece who can’t decide what the heck she’s going to college for, and needs someone to tell her what to do with her life!” After all, I’m told, she’s got this late 20-something niece she’s still supporting …

Sorry. We don’t do magic. We can suggest, inform, review, inspire, educate, clarify, compare/contrast, support, alert and engage. But we can’t force anyone to do anything — especially if we can’t even do that in our own families. Case in point:

I have two 18 year olds, very close to each other, yet very different from each other.

So far — and that’s the operative term here — my boy feels he knows what he wants, and is pursuing it now: a career in criminal justice administration. It might be with law enforcement, Homeland Security, FBI, etc. He aimed for and has been accepted into Sacramento State, a stellar college for that field, and will benefit greatly from proximity to numerous agencies, offices and opportunities affiliated with occupations in that field: internships, speakers, guest panelists, job fairs, etc. He did well in an introductory course for administration of justice last fall at Diablo Valley College. Welcomes the badge, the uniform and the sidearm training, and is eager to dedicate himself to a cause. While we shirk from the specter of his doing the dangerous-though-admirable work of a “street cop” or California Highway Patrol officer, he’s always seen himself in that field of protective services. Always.

By contrast, my daughter has proven to be a high academic achiever, who works assertively and prodigiously at almost any task she’s given. She’s someone you want on your staff or your team. She stretches her coursework into areas that challenge her at the highest levels, and finds interest almost monthly in any number of fields, from literature and writing to economics, communications and environmental studies. She got into her first-choice school, Pitzer, a highly regarded, little-known liberal arts college that is part of the outstanding Claremont College Consortium of five interconnected colleges east of Los Angeles. But is she ready to declare a major and a single career goal? Uh-uh. Too many interests. So many loves and talents. Still expanding, growing rapidly.

So in her first year at Pitzer I hope she will simply explore, test out, revisit, dig and talk with people in the fields she looks at. She’s the kind of young person who will benefit from spending some time freely scouting about for a year or so, before a priority list appears. It’s OK. Her personality and drive makes her someone you want on your team — whatever the vocation, whatever the task ahead …

Of course, then there’s the parent who knew exactly what she wanted to do, when she began her “field work” at age 5: lined up her dolls at the end of her bed, told them to face the front of the classroom (“Sh-h-h … quiet down, Gwendoline — I’ve talked to you about that …”) and prepare for their lesson. She’s a teacher of children. She teaches. Always wanted to, and still does. Won awards for it.

Then there’s the parent who majored in English because, because … well … 18 years of 1950s to early ’60s East Coast Catholic school upbringing was a tad stifling, and there was that one Brother Colman who taught English the way it could be taught, as liberating, and because all the coolest kids at college — well, 95 percent — were English majors. Graduate school brought six years of exploring among three fields and unwieldy loans, only to finally settle on a simple 30-unit Master’s degree in counseling at Sonoma State. What else? And been there ever since — 32 years.

In each singular case, a different level of readiness, interest, focus, pace, personality, employment opportunities and academic requirements.

Good luck with that niece. Have her call me.

Rob Peters is a long-time resident of Benicia. He has been a full-time counselor at Diablo Valley College for more than two decades.

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