People often repeat behaviors, even when they know better, Benicia author Stephen Dubrofsky says. It’s also the point he makes with the title of his latest book, “I Knew I Shouldn’t Have Done It, But I Did.”

People can change and improve, however, and Dubrofsky wrote this book and has developed an accompanying workshop to help them do just that.

Dubrofsky, who has lived here for two years, is known for his books, workshops and classes on parenting. He also writes about parenting as a contributor to The Herald.

“Families have difficulty setting boundaries,” he said. “This is nothing new — it’s from the beginning of time.”

A teacher, Dubrofsky said he has worked with children “with challenges and disabilities” for some time, both in his native Canada and in the United States. Currently, he teaches at a public school in Bay Point and conducts parenting workshops. He also arranges “coffee klatches,” where people can gather to talk about issues.

Early on, Dubrofsky began meeting with children’s families at their homes, having dinner with them so he could see how family members interacted. Often he was contacted by families who had reached a crisis point.

He found that even when solutions were proposed, some parents need to learn better skills, or they need to keep up techniques that they try then quickly drop.

“It’s not easy,” he said. “They want the behaviors to go away.”

Dubrofsky said he doesn’t blame parents, but he helps them to see that slight shifts in what they do may bring about similar shifts in their children.

“The answer is the individual,” he said.

Through his parenting approaches and guidance, Dubrofsky said he has learned that adults don’t like to “open up our door,” or air their family’s “dirty laundry.”

But he said it’s important to understand that the first 10 years of a child’s life can set the stage for what type of adult that child will become.

Someone who has felt need, neglect, hurt or a lack of safety or security during that time will keep seeking answers to those needs as an adult, he said — leading, perhaps, to codependency and other unhealthy relationships and behaviors, or “looking for someone to save us.”

He often advises family members to become good observers, good watchers and listeners — especially of children, because children mirror the adult members of the family.

Observation can help a family gain a new perspective about its relationships and make allowances for different parenting styles and the temperament of children. “We can play around with different approaches,” he said.

Dubrofsky’s new book, his third, helps adults address repeated behaviors and experiences by guiding them to “manifest change.”

He said adults often have the same types of experiences over and over again. “We know we shouldn’t have done it, but we do,” he said.

But even when an adult blames others for recurring situations, there are things a person can learn to do to stop the cycle, he said.

For instance, in 40 percent of marriages, one or the other partner knew that the wedding shouldn’t have taken place, Dubrofsky said. That could help explain a divorce rate of about 55 percent, he said.

Dubrofsky said his book guides others to identify the areas in which they need to grow, areas they’re working on to reach a balance.

It also gives readers “the tools to do that,” he said.

One of those areas, he said, is acceptance, and he offers a 24-hour exercise in which he asks readers to accept whatever comes their way for a single day.

Rather than react to criticism, accusations and other challenges, Dubrofsky suggested reacting with simple acceptance.

“Don’t feel weak or disturbed,” he said, and don’t seek revenge or retaliation.

By reacting, he said, those offenses aren’t forgotten. In fact, they can be recalled for years, and can feel just as sharp and painful as a memory of the past as they do when they originally happened.

To avoid that, he proposes a 24-hour experiment. “Try not to react,” he said. “Let it go.”

If someone knocks you down, “get up. Forgive and move on,” he said.

Through acceptance and love, he said, “we can heal ourselves.”

Dubrofsky’s book includes 11 other areas he addresses similarly. Ultimately he hopes to see a generation of people who no longer repeat unsuccessful behaviors.

“I Knew I Shouldn’t Have Done It, But I Did” is available on amazon.com, and Dubrofsky said he soon will have a series of book signings, locally at Bookshop Benicia and Angel Heart 4 You, and elsewhere in the San Francisco Bay Area at Barnes and Noble stores.