How many man caves go under-utilized in America? How many people have dedicated a room in their house to gaming and parties and decked it out with a mini-bar, a poker table, pinball, maybe a pool table, dart board, some neon lighting and a few humorous posters, and then when it was finished, had a few parties, turned the lights out, and never quite got back around to rallying the guys together on anything resembling a regular basis? Maybe the room got used on certain birthdays and holidays, but how many sat dark the rest of the year?
How many couples opted for that king-sized hot tub that seats six plus a waterfall instead of a modest two or four-seat tub because they envisioned endless hot-tub parties with friends? How many of those couples, I wonder, followed through and had frequent crowded splashy fun in their big tubs, and how many only paid higher utility bills and used more water to sit with their loved one in the corner, with their feet stretched way out like their budgets?
How many homeowners have gone gangbusters designing their backyards for social gatherings only to sit out back by themselves on their cobblestone patios along their solar-lit walkway next to their built-in barbecue with piped in natural gas, six burners, a brick pizza oven, and a deep-fryer attachment on the side? How many backyards have been painstakingly designed to host a dozen people, yet sit dormant most days of the year, dusted off for summer birthdays, maybe a holiday.
How many home buyers have bought too much house for show because they envisioned endless parties with crowds of friends looking for seats and eats and lounging on the manicured lawn under the shade of catering tents, with extra bedrooms on the second floor for when guests sleep over? How many now spend most days listening not to the casual, familiar living room laughter of social milieu but the click-clack of their own hard-heeled shoes as they walk down the empty hallways?
How many home owners have purchased a cabin in the woods, not for seclusion, but for hosting great parties with groups of friends, only to find that besides them and their nuclear few, only Mother Nature comes to call.
How many people have built backyard swimming pools, or bought homes with pools, not because they absolutely love to swim and are water dogs in human bodies and think Aquaman is the coolest super-hero, or because they have a back injury, but because they envisioned endless pool parties with friends splashing about beating the heat and toasting with frosty cold bottles of beer? And how many of those pool people, I wonder, are hosting those regular parties, and how many are staring at their unused pool through their sliding glass door?
How many boat owners ponied up more loot for extra footage and bought a party boat built for deck dancing with room for a band only to circle around the bay with immediate family and a quart of teak oil to keep themselves busy?
I have more examples. The point, however, has been made. People want to have fun. People want a place to have fun, full of fun things to do, and then invite other people over to share in the fun. I say fine to that.
I don’t want to impugn anyone who blows a wad of cash collecting toys, or who spends their time designing party rooms in their fun houses. Go, man, go! Do it. Reify your dream. Just don’t let it go to waste. Build it, and they will come, if you invite them. You have to invite them.
I have a theory about holiday parties. Most folks celebrate holidays, but already have plans because lots of other folks like to host holiday parties and already sent out the invites.
Also holidays stick us with a finite number. I doubt the government will sanction another paid holiday any time soon. We either invent occasions when no one’s busy, or we build a birthday-party pyramid.
Every friend has a birthday. Every birthday deserves a party. Every party you could host and make new friends. And so on. Perhaps your friends don’t have a man cave, barbecue pit, yacht, or private train, and you do. If you built it, share it. Call your buddy Jim in June whose birthday is in October, and say, “Hey, Jim, It’s Wilbur,” (or whoever you are).
“Hey, Wilbur, what’s up? Haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“Your birthday is up, Jim. In three short months. You are my friend and I want to host your party at my house. Invite up to twenty-six people. If I can spring for this bowling alley in my basement, I can spring for burgers and beer for my buddies.”
Or you call Jim’s wife and say, “Shhh. Surprise party for Jim in October at my house, 2 p.m. Start inviting people. I’ll get the food and beverages. Go.”
Or you call another pal and say, “Hey, Carl. I hear you hurt your back. Come over on Friday and use my giant six-man hot tub. I’ll pour you a muscle relaxant. Sure, bring the missus. Hank and Erma’ll be there. Hamstring.”
If you’re on the other end, and you don’t have a man cave, or an acre of yard, or an air-conditioned tree house, but you know folks who do, invite yourself over. They might be lonely.

Steve Gibbs is a retired Benicia High School teacher who has written a column for The Herald since 1985.

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