RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY MEAT SMOKER OBSESSION, I happened upon a new obsession that has eaten up my minutes, mind, and motivation. Hopefully, it doesn’t eat up my money.
I’m talking about that age-old recreation: Texas hold’em poker.

I walked backward into this one. I was sitting in my yard, watching my meat smoke. It was a five-hour rack of ribs. I needed something to do. I brought out my iPad and scoured my apps, but couldn’t find anything of interest. So, I downloaded the Zynga Poker app. I almost overcooked my ribs, I got so involved.

Depending on how long you’ve followed my exploits, you may or may not know that 30 years ago I became obsessed with blackjack and the art of card counting. I got so involved I read eight books, filled a spiral notebook with notes and charts, and drove often to Reno, often alone, and slept in my car until I won money. That’s a real motivator. I’d put in 20 hours of card playing on a weekend.

I brought those card counting talents to Benicia Parks and Recreation. They let me teach a class and charge $80 for six sessions. I taught card counting for two years. I still have a whole slew of handouts, flash cards, and training exercises.

What brought that joyful time to a halt was not bankruptcy. I usually won a few bucks. It was the casino backlash. Nevada has tightened up the game. Blackjack vigorish — the vig, the casino’s percentage — is thin, only a half-penny to the dollar for non-counting basic strategy players. Compare that to 26-cent vig on Keno.

Counting can actually turn the odds in the players’ favor up to 1.5 cents. So now they deal four decks, burn 50, cut back on the double downs, and they’ve changed the payoff for a blackjack from 3-to-2 down to 6-to-5. I walked away and closed my shop.

Since then I’ve been playing mostly Pai gow poker with its 5-cent vig. We don’t often win, but Susan and I can sit for hours with 20 bucks, shoot the breeze, make friends, order free cocktails, and while our time away.

I studied craps for a long time and know the best bets. For each dollar bet, depending on where you place your money, the vig is anywhere from 16 cents for “Any Seven” down to 0.59 cent, similar to blackjack, for the unpopular against-the-player bet — don’t pass with full odds. I usually play pass with full odds which is a 0.6-cent vig so I can cheer with everyone else.

My problem with craps is that money moves too fast for me. At a $5 table my strategy requires me to have $45 in play at all times. That’s nerve wracking. I’m not a wealthy man. Nor am I there to win big money. I’m just having fun. “Cocktails!”

The last time I played craps was with Josh from the Rellik. I made $240 in 15 minutes and walked away. Of course, then I had nothing to do except watch Josh play for hours. He won $600 on that trip.

I used to walk past the poker rooms, but they never seemed inviting to me — too involved, too dedicated, too many unknown players working together to take my money, plus a vig or rake of up to 5 percent. I have never yet played casino poker beyond the video versions.

So, anyhow, I’m watching my pecan wood turn into chimney smoke and playing online hold ’em. I found I liked it and was good at it. I began with $80,000 in toy money. Over the course of a few weeks, I’ve turned that into $4.8 million so far.

That inspired me to order books. I bought three, read them cover to cover, and started a charting notebook to help me memorize best and worst starting pairs. Instead of watching inane television in the evenings, I let Sue do that while I sit in the recliner with the tablet on my lap. I’m close to playing my five thousandth hand as Mortimer Snerd.

The thought of playing for real in a casino still gives me butterflies. I’m wracked with angst. I may be way ahead right now, but I’ve had some significant losing sessions. Recently, I lost $600,000 in one session while listening to the Steelers lose their last game of the season. Still, I’m determined to stay with it. We will be planning a trip to Reno ASAP.

I need more pastimes. Retirement is on the horizon. I’m tired of having my bankroll whittled down during my Reno weekends by puttering with other games. Now that blackjack has been decimated, I need another game of strategy. I need a thinking game. I can’t stand to just pull slot handles.

Likely, I have a mixed readership. Some don’t play poker and many of you are probably excellent at it. You’ve been playing for years. I’ve only been playing for three weeks. Still, I feel the urge to consolidate and share what I have learned about the game. So tune in next week for my take on this ancient card game.

Later on, when I return from my first trial-by-fire live poker session, I’ll share honestly and without exaggeration how I did, and whether I’ll do it again.

Steve Gibbs teaches at Benicia High School and has written a column for The Herald since 1985.